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Hello! I want to use hatching exclusively (no smudging). I'm not sure where to go from there. Please rip it apart!

Just work on more softness of your feature you emphasis them a bit to heavly in my opinion.Specially the nose and lips and your lips on the bottom pic aren't being capture like in the picture the top side is to thin and it bottom side to thick.Also you miss the tilting of the head and you made her right eye to front facing a common mistake when the head is turn just slightly.Remember the face is not a wood plank.The eye sit inside the eye cavity.
Hi, Zizka! By coincidence rescently I was trying to figure out cross hatching, so I am a beginner at this, too. Here is what I could find applied to your drawing.
First thing you probably already know - your lines should follow the surface of the form. When plane changes so do your lines. And face has a lot of form breaks that you have to analyze before starting shading. For that I would recommend to study head anatomy, maybe not very deep - just to understand wtf are all those bumps and turns. Also there is a lot of shemes and 3D models with simplified head planes useful for constructing when drawing. Like this
The hatching itself. As I understood we find a central axis and relative to it build a symmetrical system of lines. So when you choose a certain line pattern on one side, it should be the same for the other one or else will be a chance that three dimensional effect won't work. 
I wanted to point out that eye balls are spheres and can be shaded the same way as anything spherical 
Hope it was hepful in some way!
hi Zizka,your portrait looks nice but the crosshatching doesn't convey the structure and the form of the face,maybe placing the structure of the face FIRST and only then dropping in the facial features could help you.Anatomical landmarks are definitely something worth studying to get a better sense of the plane changes,studying the Asaro head can be quite helpful on that.
(09-07-2021, 11:47 PM)Zizka Wrote: [ -> ]Hello! I want to use hatching exclusively (no smudging). I'm not sure where to go from there. Please rip it apart!


Hey Zizka, I'm not the best hatcher as i tend to unintentionally smudge. 

As others have said, your lines don't follow the form. Your lines are very stiff. That itself isn't a deal breaker, but I think you need to push your value. Even in her nostrils there is more value than  depicted.   look at the works of Edward Gorey, whose lines are also fairly stiff.Brett Helquist is also another good cross hatcher. The heavy textured background may be interfering with your sense of value.Your reference photos also aren't the best for practice as some "interpretation"is needed for values & features.Sorry for formatting... Computerissues