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Thoughts about a Family? - ApolOllipop - 01-01-2014
Kids nowadays expressed their views more 'strongly' to the point of disrespect towards their elders.
But is it really the case?
My parents have told me never to talk back to one's parents, no matter the circumstances. But what if you are not talking back, and is merely expressing your POV or what you think is right.
We know that they have been in this world longer than we'll ever be. But should we really engrave this notion in our minds and blindly follow their decisions? Not in every instance what they say is the truth. But what IS truth? Everything is subjective!
Say, if you have experience, you grow wiser and make fruitful decisions. But what of lust? Authority? Power, etc.
As far as we know, it makes the adults have fucked up decisions.
At times, I feel an adult is doing what they themselves haven't done when they were young.. To talk back, to make their own decisions, to fulfill their desires, and at times, to be free, to feel loved, etc.
At home, our parents 'governed', and we are the followers, the people. Then, when we grow older, the cycle repeats. Does the void go deeper, or do you simply start over?
Weeeell, I'm not trying to start an argument. And I'm not saying there is a 'perfect' family. Nor do I have qualms about the imperfection of our life.
It is just sad... And we need to live with it. More so to people who deal with abusive parents or who doesn't have one.
So what are your thoughts to construct a seemingly 'happy' family? What kind of rules, if ever you have one, do you want to follow?
RE: Thoughts about a Family? - darktiste - 01-01-2014
Someone who seek to silence someone is someone who want to control them it easier to control with silence then it is with word.I do respect parent who can control with word of wisdom.We as human have the right to talk.
RE: Thoughts about a Family? - ApolOllipop - 01-01-2014
@darktiste: How do you feel about punishment as discipline?
Silence could be the weapon to fight rebellious children, I suppose. (My mom does that to me, only once though) I feel when children are being manipulative, they do not like it if they are ignored. How else would they get what they want if the other party is not responding?
Though it is helpful at some point, the child may get desperate and that's where danger comes. So I agree that an adult can control the situation only if he finds an 'attack' to counter the argument.
(A book I would LOVE to read is, 'Thank You for Arguing by Jay Heinrichs) I would read it if I have time. He explains well the method that is helpful to put others in your favor, as what the reviews say. Kind of an evil book, huh :D )
RE: Thoughts about a Family? - darktiste - 01-02-2014
I think that discipline come with self control and observation.
The best punishment is too make error(painful sometime). Parent should let there child fuck up hard and then they can then propose solution they should also warn them but they should not put them on leash.Only a good communication can fix problem. Imposing Silence is pure stupidity it like saying to your child your not worth to talk to me.
RE: Thoughts about a Family? - ApolOllipop - 01-02-2014
You gotta point. 'Rents can only watch over you but you got to make the decision yourself, like if you follow what they say.
It's like feeling shit and love at the same time :)
If you want a child, is it boy or girl? Or would you rather choose to have a 'third sex' ?
RE: Thoughts about a Family? - darktiste - 01-03-2014
I am not at the point of my life for a child but i think that you should not be concern with the sex of a child or is sexual orientation. The best thing you should worry most is what kind of valor you will give them and also to avoid projecting what you have fail and want you're kid you succed at it not there role.Flexibility is the key to mental health and i must keep working on that for the moment. Control appear when flexibility is lost.This can sound stupid but get a dog if you dont have one and it going to be like a first kid experience you must take him out side and keep him in good health make him play and socialize it not like a cat who only need food.I say that because i assume you ask that because you think about having kid i might be wrong.
RE: Thoughts about a Family? - ApolOllipop - 01-03-2014
Yes, you are totally wrong about me wanting to have a kid lol.
I don't like kids in general, but they're ok sometimes. They butcher my pencils when am not looking.
I do have a dog. Hard to handle. Pisses and poop wherever he likes...
'I am not at the point of my life to have a child', huh?
Oh, but I thought you sound old, but I meant it as compliment so don't be angry :p
Next question, do you think Obama will win the next election?
RE: Thoughts about a Family? - darktiste - 01-04-2014
i am canadien and bored by politic now i sound like a idiot.
next question
RE: Thoughts about a Family? - meat - 01-18-2014
Ha! I've learned since childhood from first hand experience that adults are not authorities who know what's right. They just have bigger sticks and hit harder, that's why you listen.
I grew up in a single family the parent of which isn't the best, brightest, most sensible, authoritative, or encouraging, but far from being the worst in the country. I've come to see adults as just the human beings they are - same as myself. Human beings that don't have a crystal ball to your mind, that are subject to all the emotions you have, that aren't the master of words and timing. I lost respect, so I didn't follow them, and didn't care. Only now I'm learning that you can always choose to look at the goods in imperfect people, instead of focusing on the bads. Many years are wasted doing things myself, finding out I've been doing the wrong things and making the wrong decisions.
Now what was left of my family is very fragmented with communication problem, and the peripherals are on the verge of killing each other for material goods. That pretty much eliminates any belief in "happy family" as a real thing for me. I can't stop blaming myself as the eldest for setting a bad example of rejecting communication and emotionally leaving my immediate family.
If I ever have a family, I want to do it right, and that means there must be a lot of Communication first and foremost, and Respect. That said, I honestly don't think I can keep a family together seeing how badly I screwed up with the original one. First the law's gotta permit it anyway, federally.
RE: Thoughts about a Family? - yass100 - 02-04-2014
Thoughts should be positive about any one. even that is family, friends or third person.
RE: Thoughts about a Family? - ApolOllipop - 02-09-2014
Oh yeah Canada doesn't have a president. I quite don't know much about ceremonial monarchies but I guess it's much better than the gov't of my country :D
Hm. Well I've watch "Flowers in the Attic", the new one and it's about incest.
All in all, I didn't quite like it. Not because of the incest thing, but it's because they leave you hanging. I hear the old one is much better, more so in the novel.
What I do know is if the grandmother didn't lock up her grandchildren in the attic for months, devoid of other mortal beings like hot women and men, I think the eldest brother and sister wouldn't even develop such an interest to each other. Their lil bro and sis were too young to understand that yet so they have no attraction to each other whatsoever.
I didn't get to the sex part cuz I was doing something else, but it isn't graphic. I think they didn't show it cuz I didn't hear anything when I was in the other room lol
And I also don't like their mother who left them in the old woman's care, that's all.
Their mom has vanity issues.
So yea, if you were locked up with your sis and still undergoing puberty, wouldn't you get sexually attracted to the opposite sex that you see everyday? What you guys think?
RE: Thoughts about a Family? - Nexuun - 02-10-2014
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1WC6hNTONg
Family is pretty complicated. Though I think as stated in this video you should try as much as possible to not make it a slave master and slave relationship, where you order around the kids to do things against their own preference. My father has once asked me many things like, "how is my parenting?" so I feel fairly grateful that my preferences were somewhat cared about.
Based on this idea, family is truly a dynamic thing, then. I think a happy family would be where everyone's voices are considered. There's a fault in how parents believe their opinion is superior. Because of this, they feel they don't need to consult people with even greater opinions than theirs. It's a weird experience.
And one last thing that is separate from everything else, I wish that my parents would have put in more effort to understand my passions and pastimes. It's almost as if they believed there was too much difference in our interests that they could never understand or enjoy what I would do for fun. Due to this they never really understood many things I did besides their surface opinion of it. They are almost never able to take part in the discussions me and my brother have because they never put in the effort to understand them. Is this just due to the cultural differences that happens due to the difference of experience? I hope not, for whenever I'm a parent I hope I can take part in my own childrens' activities, and correlate my demands with their activities so I don't anger them.
RE: Thoughts about a Family? - Vandall - 02-11-2014
I'm a father, so this thread has been pretty interesting to read, I raise my daughter alone and its rough sometimes, shes a very young little lady, and yes most people are right, parents are not in charge because theyre super smart or infallible, the good parent is in charge because of their life experiance, their understanding of life.
I was raised by my father alone for many years, and then my mother when he fell very very ill. What my father said was the be all, end all. If he said to do something, I was to do it. On the flipside however, I could always speak to him, always question what the purpose was or why he felt I should do it, he always valued my ideas and thoughts even from a very young age where they were just plain wierd or silly. Its something I will never forget. I recall at around age ten I told him (while tracing a dragon ball z picture) that I wished to be an artist! He smiled, told me I could be whatever I wished, then he took the picture I was tracing from me and told me a real artist does not trace, anything good comes from hard work.
This is not to say we did not clash, or I did not clash with my mother, but it taught me alot about parenting. My parents were the law, but because of how they went about it, I respected them and their decisions, even when I was angry at them for their choices. I hope I can do the same thing for my daughter.