Fedodika the Koala

[Fedodika]

So, recently I did a painting for my buddy for his bday and he noticed that it was unsymmetrical. I notice that a lot now about my stuff, it's very skewed and bent out of shape, even though most the foundation for a good image are there, rendering, line weight, design etc. But no, something gets a little skewed or lumpy in the planning, you know something that could be fixed in less than a minute and it ruins the whole picture. 

All that rendering for nothin lol. So for the next couple days, I'm gonna try and use my digital method in traditional, where i do a light sketch in a very light pencil, then add thicker lines. I feel I get a better result, but it's still skewed and fucked lol. 

The only way i could describe the feeling of humiliation i feel when i look at some things i do it's like, spending all day cooking and really doing a good job cooking 95% of the way. Like a wedding cake; You make the base, you add the frosting, you do a very delicate job stacking the little statues, do everything with a good skilled touch, making a very honest effort to succeed. You've been at this for years, trying to perfect your craft, and someone wants you to make a cake for free for their wedding and you do it because it could get you some exposure.

But at the beginning, you unconsciously added too much sugar, or salt. People had mentioned to you for years that you very often make this mistake, but you ignored them for whatever reason. Then at the wedding, everyone tries it, most people don't finish their slice, the bride and groom thank you for the very hard work, but no one compliments you even though they know you baked it. They don't say anything bad about it to you, I mean the overall appearance of the cake was marvelous; must have taken a lot of hard work and skill.

But later at night, everyone talks privately about how the cake tasted kinda weird, but it wasn't the worst. That's how it feels to be me right now. 

I remember Will Terrell talked about this kinda thing in his "Why artists fail to get good feedback." He said that being a beginner is an easy place to improve at, but the hardest is when you're "good" but not "great." People just look at your stuff and say, it's good, but meh... SO FUCK hurr I'm wound up lol good night.