Fedodika the Koala

[Fedodika]

Sounds like you might be trying too hard to find something instead of open mindedly exploring and having fun.... You're so set on this idea of goth babes in lingerie that maybe you aren't being open to trying new things which might lead you elsewhere in a more natural unforced way. Overthinking and overanalyzing/second guessing aren't going to have positive effects on your work."

I think I've spent a lot of time exploring and I always end up preferring to paint gothic women in the back of my head. Maybe you're right, but I don't know at the moment how to phrase a lot of these thoughts coherently.

"Serge birault does semi stylized pinup stuff similarish to what you seem to want to do. I'm sure he gets lots of work and his technical ability is great....the problem is.....they are boring af (to me) and say nothing. Technical prowess will get you jobs....but content and meaning ultimately trump that I guess."

Well, he does in a sense, but his work is far less dynamic than how i imagine the work I want to do. Most his illustrations are just someone standing there will a cheeky expression; I see a lot limitations in his style. I suppose I need more technical prowess, and more meaning, just everything good lol. The stuff in my head is very angelic, expressive and some other things I can't explain at the moment

And I don't really want my work to look stylized or like straight up pinups, it's more illustrative and like a mix of the chinese painters I enjoy, and design heavy like muccha, you know... It may come off as more meaningful, but if it doesn't who cares, at least I enjoy it!

"About sending emails....get over it you big baby. they are just emails. ?"

NEVER! Just got this designer pacifier from amazon and it's not going to waste!


John

"Seems to me there are inconsistencies or deviations with your thought process: 1) You like things being tough. Having to sweat and bleed for it. But you'd grossed out at the thought as harmless as marketing yourself. 2) The plan to make you to connect with people is to please yourself (and stop worrying if it's cool enough for X or Y)."

Yes, I'm irrational, not coherently logical. I get that. But thinking logically doesn't fix my problems in this case. If it was that easy, I wouldn't have the problem, because I'm insanely analytical and skeptical of things and how they mechanically work. Art is insanely frustrating for me at times because a lot of it is based in subjective experiences and things that don't make sense logically, and can't be quantified mathematically.

"Not to throw a stinker, but pursuing what you love doesn't always equate to 'paying off'. Or at least in a monetary sense of the word. I saw a hand pan player just weeks ago getting reprimanded and banned by the cops telling him to not make a racket. And frankly us artists, like you and me, trying to fit in or stand out but not getting a single cent out of it. What you're seeing is a fabricated sense of reality. Where in fact, tons of people (including all of those successful artists you've mentioned) have to do so much more than just doing what they love. Who in their right minds would publicize their catastrophic failures out there more than their success stories."

Yea I have no problem doing boring work for clients, it's just acquiring the jobs is the hard part, being attracting them or applying directly. I just want freelance art jobs that are in the ballpark of what I've been studying the past few years, even if they're not as fulfilling.

"It seems you like quotes, so I'll throw you one that might sound familiar: "It's been fun roughin and tumblin with ya john, I can't make these walls of text everyday, I don't feel like anything is getting done here..."

I still don't remember what we were arguing about... probably one of my incoherent emotional diatribes that are full of contradictions and confusing points. I appreciate ya bein here John, and everyone, we'll get through it!


http://colorquiz.com/results.php?code=m,...4,4&p=full



Sooo, i remembered Tehmeh's advice today, and decided to try it out and boy it really helps you fight through problems, and like just going after. It's basically to do a piece from imagination for 1-2 hrs and think about what it's lacking in, and using whatever means to improve it. Of course one needs a keen eye for mistakes to know what is flawed, and my eye is certainly far far beyond my hand. I imagine it will be extremely satisfying to catch the two up in however long that takes. 

My gameplan now is to simply get out as many of these bad or flawed sketches that I can and just focus on them, and try to make them better using reference for anatomy and trying to just patch up holes in my knowledge until things start to look cohesive. I feel it happening quicker when I work like this because most of my problems are in the drawing and composition phase. I can't tell you how much I'll sit there and struggle to make like a neck look right or a hand be the right size. But as I went through these, they felt more focused and easier. 

I'll do these for a while until I get a solid idea for a piece. One that's a blend of all the things I enjoy; I had one earlier, but I can't even make up my mind what it looks like in my head, so maybe some sleep and time will help me decide that.