Fedodika the Koala

[Fedodika]

http://colorquiz.com/results.php?code=m,...0,0&p=full

Aight so, i didn't have a very productive day, but i did a lot of thinking about what I want to do and why. Since like a week or two ago, I've sent out about 100 emails soliciting for freelance and not heard a peep out of anyone. I truly don't believe I'm entitled to anything, I just don't enjoy the whole having to hit people up for work thing. It feels gross to me. I know it takes time for people to get emails and all that, it's just the whole process of soliciting is not something I feel good doing. That being said, I also highly doubt any of them will get back to me, and I personally don't blame em lol. I 100% understand.

When i do street caricature, sure I'll solicit a bit, but people eventually line up and it's easy, then i just have person after person and it really comes down to how fast i can work. I really love that feeling that people just know what I'm doing, and they just see the good and want a picture. And i make pretty good money doing that, but online? nothin, crickets. I make oogles more cash doing scribbly marker sketches than paintings I spend days or weeks on. Sure logistics are everything in that regard, and I completely understand why, but it just suckz lol.

On that note, I'm more than willing to take years and years of not getting work in order for people to want to contact and hire me because they find my work good and inspiring. I like things being tough, I like to sweat, hurt and bleed for things... Makes me feel alive. But I want to hurt and bleed in a smart way; as a hamster wheel only goes one way.

I know so many guys I started out with who've just flown past me, who just get jobs you know, they don't have to email anyone and work comes to them. Usually, they have a consistent and confident style. I don't. Mainly because I try to wear too many hats, none of them are truly mine. 

There are a lot of quotes that rumble around in my head from successful artists. 

"If you're not getting job offers, you're probably not as good as you think you are." That was from Will Terry, who teaches people how to become successful artists, he's on youtube, great stuff. 

"Art directors hire people because their work is inspiring, not just because it's technically good or correct."

I don't remember who said that exactly, but it's been paraphrased by several high profile artists I've heard. I look at my work and I feel detatched from it, like it's not me. I've been really afraid of what I want to do because I don't think it'll look good and I feel vulnerable thinking about it. What I really wanna do, is something I'm afraid to do because I don't know of a clear example of it. And nothings stopping me from doing it but me. 

I think I've mentioned this before, but I really wanna draw like elegant interesting compositions of beautiful ladies with pale skin, lots of eyeliner, and a bit of a sinful undertone. Funny, sexy, dark. Something like that. Problem is I can't find an artist who does that thing; I can think of pieces that come close, but never a full gallery. I don't wanna draw dudes, monsters, you know, weapons, robots, whatever. At least not at this point. Just girls with like elegant pieces of stone and relics of antiques and gothic fashion, and have it look really illustrated and expressive, you know, things floating in air or underwater or something. I really don't go for the whole plain background plus character thing.

I was thinking of just starting over on my portfolio and making those pieces I truly want to make. I want it inspired by music I love, heavy metal in particular. Because no one really does that (sure some do, but none come to mind atm.) It's such a huge part of me I never mention is my immersion in metal music that's gone on for the past 10 or so years. It's so deep and planted in me that it feels very normal, I almost forget that most people hate it haha. 

Maybe that'll be the magic spark I need to make my work connect with people. Just try to please myself and stop worrying if it's cool enough for X or Y. I feel so worried typing that, but I can't explain why, it feels wrong, like it's self indulgent. But man, really pursuing what you love in this field really pays off for people. Like that Caisne guy, Ihor Pasternik. Nooobody paints like that and it SOO worked for him. Or anybody who's got a great style that just reeks of them like, Sergey Ishmaev, Bobby Chiu, just everybody who's noteworthy, they do their own thing. You can say, hey that's his thing, instead of a WOW thing or a Paizo thing etc. 

An advice to a younger me, is disregard all the bad advice I'd had for a younger self, and just don't be afraid of painting what you truly want to see. I truly believe if one's consistent with anything and put themself out there, people will notice, at varying degrees of good or bad. I mean, look at ghost59, I did a thread on him a while back http://crimsondaggers.com/forum/thread-6377.html

Consistently didn't improve for many years, and there I am talking about him. And the last quote I'll leave ya with is this one.

"If you get good enough at anything, people will hire you to do it. It could be... folding clothes, if you could do that fast enough, people will pay to do something with it like advertising, it's all about the time you put in." Sycra

I do nuzzle my chin at all the old soul searching posts in this sketchbook, I guess they all add up to something. It's a real shame Concept art got that data all taken down, there were a lot of good things to read in there. I shouldn't talk shit about them though, they might throw a laptop at me.