05-21-2016, 01:30 AM
Hey John, I think we've all gone through/are going through similar things as self-taught artists. It's not an easy road.
I will suggest a couple of things that may or may not help. The first is that you are right in one sense; our situation in life and how fulfilled we feel by it and our general happiness is almost entirely dictated by our perceptions of it. One person's situation may seem like a cakewalk to others or the most horrible thing in the world, but it will all ultimately come down to how we view our own life.
I put forward the idea that whatever may happen to change circumstances for you, should never be viewed as a life sentence or some sort of penance or tragedy. It should be viewed as a life experience to be embraced and learned from. Whenever we prejudge how things are going to be, we are actually putting our belief full force behind our own actions that will invariably cause these things to be brought into the world. If you see going full time at the business as a thing you can't get out of, to be endured as a sacrifice to your happiness, guess what? You definitely will not be happy and it will become a life sentence. I know this is a very hard thing to do, but you have to live your life in a flow state as much as possible savouring each moment and engaging with it rather than pandering to fantasies. That includes how you deal with shit that might not go down the way you hope or imagine. Accept it and grow from it and see where it takes you.
The other thing I have to say is that even if you are forced into this family business full-time, unless you are a total slave I imagine you would still have your own free time to do with what you want. There is absolutely nothing to stop you from carrying on with art, and making it to working as a professional. Nothing. Nothing at all. The only thing that can really stop you from doing what you want, is you. So don't let yourself do it man.
I went through my whole initial self-teaching while working full time with only nights and weekends to work on my art. So that's all I knew, and it is totally and utterly possible. Also after going fulltime with art, I realised that I was WAY more productive and effective when I was working. The shorter timeframes meant I didn't fuck around. Yeah I also at times had this sense of having to kill myself at the painting in order to get out into what I wanted, and while that probably helped me with my output, it may not have totally helped with my efficiency at learning. At the worst of times it was a pretty shitty miserable existence. Every moment you are conscious you have a choice to be miserable and resigned to your lot or to be engaged by it and help you learn, grow and develop. I would never have imagined that I would be saying the day job which I hated so much (even though I enjoyed many aspects of the work) was more because of how I viewed my time there rather than anything inherently awful. Of course there will be a scale of how bad things are, but this same thing is true. Don't succumb to those negative, prejudged thoughts about your life and how it might be. They are all a fantasy that your mind cooks up and you know what, it's not real. Do not trust your own mind...it is 99% of the time your worst enemy.
The only thing that is real, is how you choose to view your situation, and what you choose to do about it. The comments you made about hacking sleep, make total sense in this context. Let me tell you that, any stress or time-pressure or deadline based on fear, will do absolutely horrible things to you as an artist. It really will. There was only one thing that kept me on the path the entire time, and that was that at the most basic level, I enjoyed the entire process of doing art ; the study, the failure, the successes, all of it. If you can hold onto that, it won't matter in the slightest what your circumstances are, because you will always find a way to do it. I also had some doubts for sure, but somehow deep down for me, I believed right from the beginning, if I just kept doing it, eventually it would get me somewhere. More than 3 years down the line, I'm working fulltime on art, and I still at times have to reevaluate myself and find that this is indeed still the case.
So I get the time pressure, but it probably won't be doing you many favours. Instead try and enjoy the whole thing, because the art you do is an expression of your own engagement with the process. If you are doing everything in a state of a basic low level underlying fear and panic, it will definitely hinder you from achieving your goals. I don't mean just basic deadline panic...I mean the subconscious fear bastard, that whispers to you constantly 3 levels of inception down . It's a sneaky muthaf*cka and you have to be vigilant about it, and take actions against it, or it will rule your existence.
You will be a better artist by getting adequate rest, experiencing life out there as well as working on it. Do NOT for a second believe the often parroted inanity that we have been told our entire lives that you have to work HARD and suffer and only then will you get what you want. It's bullshit. I met some sulfur porters walking up Ijen volcano in Java, carrying 60kg of toxic sulfur on their backs up and down the volcano on a 4 hour round trip, twice a day for 5 bucks a day. I couldn't even pick up one of the baskets. Working HARD has done absolutely nothing for them in terms of getting them what they want. None of them chose to do it willingly, they did it because they had no alternative.
Don't work HARD and stress HARD and do all the things HARD. Do them EASY. By that I don't mean sit around like a lazy ass and do nothing, of course. This career needs a lot of time dedicated to it, but whatever you are doing, try and approach it in a light-hearted manner with full engagement and enjoyment. It's not as easy as it sounds, and it is exactly as easy as it sounds. Depends on how willing you are to put some HARD effort into being easy.
I will suggest a couple of things that may or may not help. The first is that you are right in one sense; our situation in life and how fulfilled we feel by it and our general happiness is almost entirely dictated by our perceptions of it. One person's situation may seem like a cakewalk to others or the most horrible thing in the world, but it will all ultimately come down to how we view our own life.
I put forward the idea that whatever may happen to change circumstances for you, should never be viewed as a life sentence or some sort of penance or tragedy. It should be viewed as a life experience to be embraced and learned from. Whenever we prejudge how things are going to be, we are actually putting our belief full force behind our own actions that will invariably cause these things to be brought into the world. If you see going full time at the business as a thing you can't get out of, to be endured as a sacrifice to your happiness, guess what? You definitely will not be happy and it will become a life sentence. I know this is a very hard thing to do, but you have to live your life in a flow state as much as possible savouring each moment and engaging with it rather than pandering to fantasies. That includes how you deal with shit that might not go down the way you hope or imagine. Accept it and grow from it and see where it takes you.
The other thing I have to say is that even if you are forced into this family business full-time, unless you are a total slave I imagine you would still have your own free time to do with what you want. There is absolutely nothing to stop you from carrying on with art, and making it to working as a professional. Nothing. Nothing at all. The only thing that can really stop you from doing what you want, is you. So don't let yourself do it man.
I went through my whole initial self-teaching while working full time with only nights and weekends to work on my art. So that's all I knew, and it is totally and utterly possible. Also after going fulltime with art, I realised that I was WAY more productive and effective when I was working. The shorter timeframes meant I didn't fuck around. Yeah I also at times had this sense of having to kill myself at the painting in order to get out into what I wanted, and while that probably helped me with my output, it may not have totally helped with my efficiency at learning. At the worst of times it was a pretty shitty miserable existence. Every moment you are conscious you have a choice to be miserable and resigned to your lot or to be engaged by it and help you learn, grow and develop. I would never have imagined that I would be saying the day job which I hated so much (even though I enjoyed many aspects of the work) was more because of how I viewed my time there rather than anything inherently awful. Of course there will be a scale of how bad things are, but this same thing is true. Don't succumb to those negative, prejudged thoughts about your life and how it might be. They are all a fantasy that your mind cooks up and you know what, it's not real. Do not trust your own mind...it is 99% of the time your worst enemy.
The only thing that is real, is how you choose to view your situation, and what you choose to do about it. The comments you made about hacking sleep, make total sense in this context. Let me tell you that, any stress or time-pressure or deadline based on fear, will do absolutely horrible things to you as an artist. It really will. There was only one thing that kept me on the path the entire time, and that was that at the most basic level, I enjoyed the entire process of doing art ; the study, the failure, the successes, all of it. If you can hold onto that, it won't matter in the slightest what your circumstances are, because you will always find a way to do it. I also had some doubts for sure, but somehow deep down for me, I believed right from the beginning, if I just kept doing it, eventually it would get me somewhere. More than 3 years down the line, I'm working fulltime on art, and I still at times have to reevaluate myself and find that this is indeed still the case.
So I get the time pressure, but it probably won't be doing you many favours. Instead try and enjoy the whole thing, because the art you do is an expression of your own engagement with the process. If you are doing everything in a state of a basic low level underlying fear and panic, it will definitely hinder you from achieving your goals. I don't mean just basic deadline panic...I mean the subconscious fear bastard, that whispers to you constantly 3 levels of inception down . It's a sneaky muthaf*cka and you have to be vigilant about it, and take actions against it, or it will rule your existence.
You will be a better artist by getting adequate rest, experiencing life out there as well as working on it. Do NOT for a second believe the often parroted inanity that we have been told our entire lives that you have to work HARD and suffer and only then will you get what you want. It's bullshit. I met some sulfur porters walking up Ijen volcano in Java, carrying 60kg of toxic sulfur on their backs up and down the volcano on a 4 hour round trip, twice a day for 5 bucks a day. I couldn't even pick up one of the baskets. Working HARD has done absolutely nothing for them in terms of getting them what they want. None of them chose to do it willingly, they did it because they had no alternative.
Don't work HARD and stress HARD and do all the things HARD. Do them EASY. By that I don't mean sit around like a lazy ass and do nothing, of course. This career needs a lot of time dedicated to it, but whatever you are doing, try and approach it in a light-hearted manner with full engagement and enjoyment. It's not as easy as it sounds, and it is exactly as easy as it sounds. Depends on how willing you are to put some HARD effort into being easy.