06-06-2016, 06:27 PM
I'm not doing ok, with art or life.
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SpoilerA few weeks ago I had a bit of a meltdown at work. A week later I broke my little toe trying to get the house in order. This past week my grandmother of 94yrs has been in hospital. She's developed mild dementia and doesn't remember my name which has been tough. I visited her every afternoon and found no one else had been, she was bored to death so I've been bringing newspaper and puzzles for her, but she just sleeps and doesn't eat. I've made her dinner and stayed one evening to help her eat it. I don't know what else to do but keep her company so i haven't kept up with art all this time. Every time i put pencil to paper i can't move myself to come up with anything. Every so often i make a generic and useless doodle like this. I have scheduled two weeks away, before any of this, and was hopeing to use it as a sort of cathartic release for art and writing. Friends had offered me a place at their beachside home. I think I've reached my emotional limit because after crying myself into exhaustion I've had no desire to do anything except curl up under a blanket and watch toons on my own. I can force myself to do things like work or chores, mostly because i think linearly and in terms of consequences. If i don't shower I'll stink amd that's not great for work and if i don't work i don't get paid which means debt. If i don't draw, i don't draw. It satisfies no one but myself so if i can do without something it's art. Then the viscious cycle begins all over again because I'm more depressed at not doing what i love and every - damn - time i set out to pursue it something happens. I know, I've been told the universe isn't out to get me but it seems to a damn good inclination.
Tl:dr Mope mope cry cry I've never dealt with grief before and it's turning me into an emotionless drone.
Tl:dr Mope mope cry cry I've never dealt with grief before and it's turning me into an emotionless drone.
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