06-12-2016, 12:59 PM
It's never a bad thing to go with something dark if is personal to you in some way, otherwise it is just dark for the sake of it. Though, yes, humour is a beautiful balm to spread into the world :)
Gotta say you've done some great work with the brainstorming. I think John made some really good points with the layout. About the story...I read your notes before I read the page...so not sure how much that influenced my first read of the story. I didn't have too much issue understanding it. I think how you draw Max so he is very recognizable through the various ages will help with any confusion.
Now because this is a comic I want to say upfront, please don't take ANY of this below as somehow something that is wrong or needing changing. I don't want to influence people's stories and development process too much, unlike how I would with painting crits.
About the impact of the final panel, I almost feel like there needs to be one more time-step between the degree panel and the final panel so we get a sense of temptation going his way? Might not be the contrast you want though, so feel free to ignore this!
I might suggest making the final scene more horrifying in some way and tie it to the rest of the panels for more impact. Perhaps his Mum finds him, with the children lying crying on him..his framed degree on the table, being used as a cutting surface...or on the wall. Maybe he is dreaming his final dream of him as a kid playing in a mound of donuts while OD'ing. It's a hard thing to make someone emotionally attached to a character in one page so keep pushing that aspect too!!!
Seeing this has also made me realise I intend to cram a LOT into my page...bit nervous about that now haha
Gotta say you've done some great work with the brainstorming. I think John made some really good points with the layout. About the story...I read your notes before I read the page...so not sure how much that influenced my first read of the story. I didn't have too much issue understanding it. I think how you draw Max so he is very recognizable through the various ages will help with any confusion.
Now because this is a comic I want to say upfront, please don't take ANY of this below as somehow something that is wrong or needing changing. I don't want to influence people's stories and development process too much, unlike how I would with painting crits.
About the impact of the final panel, I almost feel like there needs to be one more time-step between the degree panel and the final panel so we get a sense of temptation going his way? Might not be the contrast you want though, so feel free to ignore this!
I might suggest making the final scene more horrifying in some way and tie it to the rest of the panels for more impact. Perhaps his Mum finds him, with the children lying crying on him..his framed degree on the table, being used as a cutting surface...or on the wall. Maybe he is dreaming his final dream of him as a kid playing in a mound of donuts while OD'ing. It's a hard thing to make someone emotionally attached to a character in one page so keep pushing that aspect too!!!
Seeing this has also made me realise I intend to cram a LOT into my page...bit nervous about that now haha