Fedodika the Koala

[Fedodika]

RickRichards: Thanks man, I appreciate i have a place to go and post these thoughts; It was the first time i did it and didn't really regret it, like i went to bed saying, I'm glad i wrote that.
Thanks for the link bro, i looked through it; I am going to make a new approach soon for things, i really wanna get work and i gotta do it right X

Smrr: I guess my problem is i love doing so many different styles, like a caricature style, a more sinister look, and the industry doesn't pay for that you know? And yes, offline i did study a lot, but it was more an inner journey; I don't exactly remember all that happened inside, i just remember it as being good and helpful. lolol FUCK THIS SICK JOKE <3 luv uz... 
I'm insanely self critical of my work, and in my response i'll leave a story that will explain why even more so.

John, Wow man, i really admire you have the tenacity to keep applying to places like that. I could never do that haha, maybe that's a problem of mine; Well the good thing of art being my ticket out, is it allows a lot of personal things, more than just independence to be aligned in my mind correctly. I do art for many reasons, one of them is a vengence, if only a way to prove some people in my life wrong. I know it's a silly reason, but it's very real to me. 

Your direct approach is so inspiring dude, i really wish i had that. I need to do that more myself; like what do i really wanna see and how do i push it out there... So much of art is psychological, fuck man, I gotta keep thinking.. and koalas can migrate <3

Amit: Man you keep it realer than real man, first let me thank you for your reply man, I was actually hoping you would weigh in because i always love your views and experiences man. 

First, yea unfortunately my reality is i put a lot of weight on my success in art because i have went a long way in other fields as far as learning skills like (metal) music (I put twice as much work into that as i have art over a longer period of time) and never got pennies for it. Being in bands, trying to record with idiots, i got burnt out on it man, never again lol. Same with writing, i wrote and self published a book at 17 and it failed. So this is like a last resort for me. 

I know it's a stupid way to live but that's my life man; It would be different had i not just quacked out on other creative fields and this being my first journey as far as learning a creative skill. I use it as fuel though, it's just kind of a necessary evil, I suppose, i really wish i could shake it because i know it's not healthy.

I'm so ready for that boring job part! I think there's so much riding on my personal success that it kind of outweighs how miserable the working part may be; It could be as shitty as working at a grocery store (and i've done that) or even a very dangerous job and just the fact I'm working as an artist would satisfy a lot of things in me. But really, i do want to get into the business side and i think the reason i don't is because i don't even like my own work and that makes me hesitant to send out portfolios. I think i need to start on a portfolio and try to be consistent with marketable stuff..

What you say in 2. "follow your interests" is something i think i haven't done right. My head is just really confused as to what i should be doing, what i really want to see, and what i think i should do. then there's people who say "an artist should make it in 2 years, 3 years, 4 years etc." And that is adding to the insanity lol. 

I see what you mean about the lower quality stuff in my work here and there; that's a good point. The airbrush is a huge part of my workflow, and i've gotten that critique since i started painting really. Believe me though, i am working a lot to fix my problems with edges and i suppose i could try more hard brushes. I am practicing construction a lot more, and I notice things everyday I used to get wrong, like things being skewed, or displaced etc. 

Now on the Down Syndrome thing, boy i got a story about that. My best buddy was at a party and he met an actual pro comic artist. They talked a bit and he ended up showing the dude my portfolio and he just said, "I hate it. I really fucking hate it. The faces look retarded." I never met the guy, so it was just his raw opinion of the work. It hurt man, really cold you know. Also posted my work on imgur wasn't a great experience either; If you look at my DA you can probably see exactly where those experiences happened, like a radical shift in what i was doing. 

I never met anyone personally who said they like that style of face, and people have questioned my respect of women, they'd say things like, "Do you think women are just stupid or something?" It's kind of funny how much people overlook everything else that may be done well in the picture for just the face. It's a really significant part of the image.

 I mean i did try to stop that from pieces i would post other than CD, because i know most people don't like it; some people however do like it and i can reference several artists who do draw in that style who are pros; But i wouldn't consider it selling out if i were to stop. I'm going to do a whole new portfolio that will be accessible to AD's and maybe people who want book covers. 

I don't want to do just portraits, I only did them because I wasn't great at other things at the time like anatomy or laying in scenes. 

Thanks again Amit, I'm gonna hit the reset button on my portfolio and really develop a marketable style, then actually find some AD's and email away. Keep being real man, much respect.

Here's a study because i don't like posting without a picture. Thanks for the feedbacks everyone, i needed it  and i am grateful you all exist. And if you have a sketchbook and you have difficult feelings at some point don't be afraid to post them, because it can help other people on their journey so much to see that they are real human emotions. <3