06-26-2016, 06:25 AM
This is a fantastic idea! But I feel like the dialogue is a but much! Having so many words will fill the panels so much there won't be room for art...
The story is a little confusing also, I had to read it a few times to figure it out. Seeing the panels mapped out below helped bunches, but I still feel like it could be simplified a bit.
Here is what I understand just from dialogue/description:
The gods are playing a game of probability with various planets, using suns as betting currency. (Really cool idea!!)
They gods are betting... for? against? The earthlings? Cthulu is betting for this super nova to blow them up? Or is it betting on its own planet (the one with the robo drones?) Some of the races seem to get their act together just before they blow up?
Somehow Trump on earth wins the election, much to the dismay of all the gods (Except one). The earthlings destroy themselves, winning as the first in this race to see which people destroys themselves. Robobuddha consoles Cthulu because it spent all its suns on the game and lost.
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* This is all just suggestion!! Please feel free to disregard this if it only seems confusing or unhelpful!! :)
Panel 1:
Panel 1 is great, it's straightforward. Maybe to make it just a little clearer, you could have "I put 5,000 suns on those monkeys."
Panel 2:
Maybe can cut most of this dialogue? Maybe try to summarize it in 1 line, perhaps 20 words at most (very small panel!!) Something like: "10,000 years of enlightenment? Pah, detachment more like! 10,000 suns on these mind munchers!"
Panel 3:
Hm, I'm wondering how you might put in the translation here... You can also use < woooorddsss > to indicate speaking in another language. Perhaps something like: "Stell'bsna uh'e!" <One little mis-alignment! All I need! Gimme a million suns!>
And so on... Maybe just making the language a bit more clear and to the point, and sort of "summarizing" what you have already?
If you haven't already checker her out, Kate Beaton's style of political comics in "Hark a Vagrant!" might help with this too! It just seems like there's a connect between the kind of ideas here, and how she does them (to me anyway): http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=10
I think it's gonna be sweet either way though! I'm positive you'll make it fantastic! :D
The story is a little confusing also, I had to read it a few times to figure it out. Seeing the panels mapped out below helped bunches, but I still feel like it could be simplified a bit.
Here is what I understand just from dialogue/description:
The gods are playing a game of probability with various planets, using suns as betting currency. (Really cool idea!!)
They gods are betting... for? against? The earthlings? Cthulu is betting for this super nova to blow them up? Or is it betting on its own planet (the one with the robo drones?) Some of the races seem to get their act together just before they blow up?
Somehow Trump on earth wins the election, much to the dismay of all the gods (Except one). The earthlings destroy themselves, winning as the first in this race to see which people destroys themselves. Robobuddha consoles Cthulu because it spent all its suns on the game and lost.
----------------------
* This is all just suggestion!! Please feel free to disregard this if it only seems confusing or unhelpful!! :)
Panel 1:
Panel 1 is great, it's straightforward. Maybe to make it just a little clearer, you could have "I put 5,000 suns on those monkeys."
Panel 2:
Maybe can cut most of this dialogue? Maybe try to summarize it in 1 line, perhaps 20 words at most (very small panel!!) Something like: "10,000 years of enlightenment? Pah, detachment more like! 10,000 suns on these mind munchers!"
Panel 3:
Hm, I'm wondering how you might put in the translation here... You can also use < woooorddsss > to indicate speaking in another language. Perhaps something like: "Stell'bsna uh'e!" <One little mis-alignment! All I need! Gimme a million suns!>
And so on... Maybe just making the language a bit more clear and to the point, and sort of "summarizing" what you have already?
If you haven't already checker her out, Kate Beaton's style of political comics in "Hark a Vagrant!" might help with this too! It just seems like there's a connect between the kind of ideas here, and how she does them (to me anyway): http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=10
I think it's gonna be sweet either way though! I'm positive you'll make it fantastic! :D