08-17-2016, 05:06 PM
We were talking about this on Discord so a few thoughts. I think a better key concept here is over identifying with the fact that you are an artist, and with your art in general.
After 2 years of hard study (mostly enjoyable learning!) I got to the point where I was close to being able to go freelance or switch careers. The thing that I had the most angst about the entire time wasn't the technical side or the quality of my work, it was the idea that I AM AN ARTIST AND I NEED TO MAKE IT AS A PRO. It was written in large caps inside my head. This caused untold amounts of anxiety for me.
One time I was talking to a g/f of mine, and I got really really wound up talking about self study, and the sacrifice I had made in my life to get my skills, and the stress of needing to make it, and how artists are more hard-done by because the world doesn't value it and on and on and on. I had just missed out on a concept design intake at Weta due to the vagaries of life, not my skill. Poor me poor me.
She just looked at me and said "You might want to really have a hard think about why you are getting so upset over being an artist thing? Why are you so identified with the notion of what an artist is and instead just be one. Aren't you doing it because you enjoy it?"
Nothing particularly mind-blowing on first reflection, but because I was really fishing for something more like sympathy for my plight and I got a clinical, on point ass-whupping, I really started to reflect on it.
And she was right. I was so tied to this idea of what an artist is and how I needed to be, to "be" one. This included the stories I convinced myself about artists both told to me and learned from others. Insert meme of choice <the struggling artist> <the poor artist> <the undervalued artist> <The sacrificing artist>
I realised that actually that didn't have to be true for me. I realised this over identification with becoming an artist got in the way of my actually just being ok with being an artist. Long story short, it took a while and some time out, but that low level constant anxiety about my work, and my art and how I would make it dropped away entirely. Side benefits : No longer felt any jealousy at all when viewing other people's awesome work. Felt genuinely happy for others' successes.
I haven't had one single ounce of anxiety about my art or my direction since then.
We all gotta lighten up a bit, and enjoy the ride. Art is only one thing you do in your life, that's all. We don't need to make it some sort of life or death crusade where all of happiness revolves around this one thing.
After 2 years of hard study (mostly enjoyable learning!) I got to the point where I was close to being able to go freelance or switch careers. The thing that I had the most angst about the entire time wasn't the technical side or the quality of my work, it was the idea that I AM AN ARTIST AND I NEED TO MAKE IT AS A PRO. It was written in large caps inside my head. This caused untold amounts of anxiety for me.
One time I was talking to a g/f of mine, and I got really really wound up talking about self study, and the sacrifice I had made in my life to get my skills, and the stress of needing to make it, and how artists are more hard-done by because the world doesn't value it and on and on and on. I had just missed out on a concept design intake at Weta due to the vagaries of life, not my skill. Poor me poor me.
She just looked at me and said "You might want to really have a hard think about why you are getting so upset over being an artist thing? Why are you so identified with the notion of what an artist is and instead just be one. Aren't you doing it because you enjoy it?"
Nothing particularly mind-blowing on first reflection, but because I was really fishing for something more like sympathy for my plight and I got a clinical, on point ass-whupping, I really started to reflect on it.
And she was right. I was so tied to this idea of what an artist is and how I needed to be, to "be" one. This included the stories I convinced myself about artists both told to me and learned from others. Insert meme of choice <the struggling artist> <the poor artist> <the undervalued artist> <The sacrificing artist>
I realised that actually that didn't have to be true for me. I realised this over identification with becoming an artist got in the way of my actually just being ok with being an artist. Long story short, it took a while and some time out, but that low level constant anxiety about my work, and my art and how I would make it dropped away entirely. Side benefits : No longer felt any jealousy at all when viewing other people's awesome work. Felt genuinely happy for others' successes.
I haven't had one single ounce of anxiety about my art or my direction since then.
We all gotta lighten up a bit, and enjoy the ride. Art is only one thing you do in your life, that's all. We don't need to make it some sort of life or death crusade where all of happiness revolves around this one thing.