12-02-2017, 11:29 AM
@ohnscj hey, thanks!
@Artloader Been trying to launch my Patreon, I've got most of it set up, and started recording some stuff, but I said I'd only launch once I do at least one session and figure out how much work it will involve. I need a few more sketches done. Not sure when that's gonna happen.
I feel like sharing some stuff, since there's not much art to post.
It’s been such a crappy last 6 months for me, like I don’t remember when was the last time I reached such a low level where I am unable to fulfill even the tiniest need I have in terms of art.
I feel like I haven’t done anything with my art this year, I feel it just passed away like the wind, haven’t accomplished anything and I still don’t know where I want to be.
I just know where I don't wanna be. Every year I keep adding to that list.
Every time I start something, like for instance I was super excited about the Artstation challenge, since it had to do with mermaids and I’ve done quite enough research in the past, it goes well for a few days, I feel like I can more mountains, but after a week or so, I’m like “why am I doing this? I don't enjoy this”
Again, it seems like I do all the research just because I need to do this type of character, like you do when you get a commission. And I get the sensation that I’m passionate about it, but then I realize I never research it without a reason. Never for fun.
What I do look at all the time are vehicles and all sorts of mechanical and tech stuff. So I think that's saying something.
I never actually imagined art would be a job for me, I imagined I would have fun all day long and love solving any challenge that might appear. But that’s exactly how I feel now, I need money, so that’s why I do art. And it’s a terrible feeling. I’m seriously thinking I need to change something. And fast!
I started my art career thinking I would end up doing some appealing visual artworks that would make me feel super proud when looking back at my creations, Frazetta was what I was thinking. It’s far from happening.
I’m still wondering what got me into doing anatomy in the first place. Maybe Steve Huston, since it was so much fun watching his videos and drawing along. Learning is fun, especially when you have a clear guide and goal.
So I had about 4 or 5 years of studying anatomy hardcore and starting getting the style I wanted, built up by taking bits I loved from the artists I admire, and suddenly people started following me and liking my art, and a lot even called me a figure drawing artist. I never even considered stopping at figure drawing. That doesn’t satisfy me enough.
I had times when I struggled before, but this time seems like a pretty long one. It feels like everyone around me is evolving and I’m not. I keep seeing stuff on social media and instead of inspiring me, I realize I’m never gonna have enough patience, never gonna be passionate enough about characters for instance, to bring them to that type of quality, say Even Amundsen.
Same with illustrations. Those big scenes you see now and then, battle scenes mostly, because we don’t know anything else, as Bayard Wu does. How the hell am I supposed to do something like that when I’m not even motivated to study armor design? Not to mention composition. I feel absolutely no drive to tackle composition. Yeah, I have a sense for it, but that’s nothing compared to how much theory is out there.
It would've been so easy if I didn't feel the need to create something, to design. I would've stopped at figure drawing. Maybe teaching.
Nowadays when you look at concept art (I can't even call it that anymore since it's clearly concept design now) the only thing you see is photobash and painting over 3d, if there's any painting at all. So yeah, I'm guessing my only chance of actually doing something with my life is either a personal project, like a game or just Patreon.
I need a long term project. I need something to work on all day long, go to bed and wake up the next day eager to continue from where I left off.
A physical project crossed my mind. I was watching a documentary about Bugatti and one of the designers said they need to create it in clay, once it's been digitally designed, because it's a big difference between viewing it on a monitor and being able to touch it, feel the transition of the curves.
Also watching some talks of Ken Robinson's and one particular thing struck me. He was telling a story of how he went to some place where a very talented musician was playing. After the show, he talked to him and told him he was amazing, and that he would've loved to be able to play the piano as he did.
He replied "No, you wouldn't, you just like the idea. I you would've wanted to play the piano, you would be doing it right now"
Isn't that interesting? When someone is successful everyone wants to be like them, without even thinking about what it takes.
Yeah, sometimes I think getting a job and counting the hours until the end of the program is better than this shit. I also think knowledge is a curse. The more you know, the more unhappy you are. Simple people seem very happy, without thinking too much about spirituality or purpose of life, they just need to eat so they go hunt or work the land.
I keep asking myself this one particular question: "what would I be doing if I didn't need to worry about money anymore?"
I'm seriously not sure if I would continue doing art. At least not at this level.
I recently watched Enter the Void, recommended by Amit. That was such an interesting movie, weird AF, but interesting.
And it gave me a particular feeling that I can't really explain. But it's the kind of feeling I'm looking for in my art. As in sort of a reward for doing it.
Yeah, well the conclusion is I'm either too low on energy to enjoy doing something, or I just can't find what I am suppose to do.
@Artloader Been trying to launch my Patreon, I've got most of it set up, and started recording some stuff, but I said I'd only launch once I do at least one session and figure out how much work it will involve. I need a few more sketches done. Not sure when that's gonna happen.
I feel like sharing some stuff, since there's not much art to post.
It’s been such a crappy last 6 months for me, like I don’t remember when was the last time I reached such a low level where I am unable to fulfill even the tiniest need I have in terms of art.
I feel like I haven’t done anything with my art this year, I feel it just passed away like the wind, haven’t accomplished anything and I still don’t know where I want to be.
I just know where I don't wanna be. Every year I keep adding to that list.
Every time I start something, like for instance I was super excited about the Artstation challenge, since it had to do with mermaids and I’ve done quite enough research in the past, it goes well for a few days, I feel like I can more mountains, but after a week or so, I’m like “why am I doing this? I don't enjoy this”
Again, it seems like I do all the research just because I need to do this type of character, like you do when you get a commission. And I get the sensation that I’m passionate about it, but then I realize I never research it without a reason. Never for fun.
What I do look at all the time are vehicles and all sorts of mechanical and tech stuff. So I think that's saying something.
I never actually imagined art would be a job for me, I imagined I would have fun all day long and love solving any challenge that might appear. But that’s exactly how I feel now, I need money, so that’s why I do art. And it’s a terrible feeling. I’m seriously thinking I need to change something. And fast!
I started my art career thinking I would end up doing some appealing visual artworks that would make me feel super proud when looking back at my creations, Frazetta was what I was thinking. It’s far from happening.
I’m still wondering what got me into doing anatomy in the first place. Maybe Steve Huston, since it was so much fun watching his videos and drawing along. Learning is fun, especially when you have a clear guide and goal.
So I had about 4 or 5 years of studying anatomy hardcore and starting getting the style I wanted, built up by taking bits I loved from the artists I admire, and suddenly people started following me and liking my art, and a lot even called me a figure drawing artist. I never even considered stopping at figure drawing. That doesn’t satisfy me enough.
I had times when I struggled before, but this time seems like a pretty long one. It feels like everyone around me is evolving and I’m not. I keep seeing stuff on social media and instead of inspiring me, I realize I’m never gonna have enough patience, never gonna be passionate enough about characters for instance, to bring them to that type of quality, say Even Amundsen.
Same with illustrations. Those big scenes you see now and then, battle scenes mostly, because we don’t know anything else, as Bayard Wu does. How the hell am I supposed to do something like that when I’m not even motivated to study armor design? Not to mention composition. I feel absolutely no drive to tackle composition. Yeah, I have a sense for it, but that’s nothing compared to how much theory is out there.
It would've been so easy if I didn't feel the need to create something, to design. I would've stopped at figure drawing. Maybe teaching.
Nowadays when you look at concept art (I can't even call it that anymore since it's clearly concept design now) the only thing you see is photobash and painting over 3d, if there's any painting at all. So yeah, I'm guessing my only chance of actually doing something with my life is either a personal project, like a game or just Patreon.
I need a long term project. I need something to work on all day long, go to bed and wake up the next day eager to continue from where I left off.
A physical project crossed my mind. I was watching a documentary about Bugatti and one of the designers said they need to create it in clay, once it's been digitally designed, because it's a big difference between viewing it on a monitor and being able to touch it, feel the transition of the curves.
Also watching some talks of Ken Robinson's and one particular thing struck me. He was telling a story of how he went to some place where a very talented musician was playing. After the show, he talked to him and told him he was amazing, and that he would've loved to be able to play the piano as he did.
He replied "No, you wouldn't, you just like the idea. I you would've wanted to play the piano, you would be doing it right now"
Isn't that interesting? When someone is successful everyone wants to be like them, without even thinking about what it takes.
Yeah, sometimes I think getting a job and counting the hours until the end of the program is better than this shit. I also think knowledge is a curse. The more you know, the more unhappy you are. Simple people seem very happy, without thinking too much about spirituality or purpose of life, they just need to eat so they go hunt or work the land.
I keep asking myself this one particular question: "what would I be doing if I didn't need to worry about money anymore?"
I'm seriously not sure if I would continue doing art. At least not at this level.
I recently watched Enter the Void, recommended by Amit. That was such an interesting movie, weird AF, but interesting.
And it gave me a particular feeling that I can't really explain. But it's the kind of feeling I'm looking for in my art. As in sort of a reward for doing it.
Yeah, well the conclusion is I'm either too low on energy to enjoy doing something, or I just can't find what I am suppose to do.