10-17-2019, 05:15 AM
Why did you give up? Honestly this looks good to me! It reads well, and you can get the gist. So your art might not be what you would like it to be, but you can always hire someone if you story is good enough to pursue. For story boarding this works really well. Characters, setting and emotions are all identifiable. If I had to say something is that, you do less panels and move everything faster so you have a bigger picture earlier, then if you want to you can expand points, or change them. Basically iterate over it, as you go.
You shouldn't wait for your art to be really good to write stories, if that is what you like. You can keep a pile of storyboards and later on if you get where you want to reach with your technique then just redraw them. Hire a team.
As a comment on page 8, flip the last panel, mainly because the action comes from the right but I'm guessing is read left to right, so it makes you bounce from the bubble to the action opposite, try to keep elements that belong together, close by. So keep the bubbles but flip the picture.
You shouldn't wait for your art to be really good to write stories, if that is what you like. You can keep a pile of storyboards and later on if you get where you want to reach with your technique then just redraw them. Hire a team.
As a comment on page 8, flip the last panel, mainly because the action comes from the right but I'm guessing is read left to right, so it makes you bounce from the bubble to the action opposite, try to keep elements that belong together, close by. So keep the bubbles but flip the picture.