In need of a critique

[Gavinchi]

Thanks for your input, Chantal! Yeah, it's convoluted for numerous reasons, one of which being that I didn't know whether or not to focus on the environment or characters. I guess in the end, I focused way too much on the environment and the characters kind of fell by the wayside. Now they're nothing more than a stigma. I added them in there, hoping to add a bit of narrative to the environment concept, but I evidently don't know how to add narrative correctly, haha. Once again, thank you. Much appreciated. I'll work on the focus a bit more - as well as a million other things, haha.