11-09-2014, 12:43 AM
Great read Caisne, you nailed when you mentioned the key word: fun.
My backstory is pretty similar as yours, I have been trying to make out as an artist for about 10 years, but in those earlier years I found myself in a loop where I would try to draw what I liked but it never came out good and I'd give up and start playing something. It came and went, I started working and I had settled for good, never really pushing myself to study and frustrating myself all the time.
The ticking clock started to grow on me even as I played games I started to think that I should be studying, but once something flashy appeared on the screen I forgot that. I tried to create a sketchbook over at CA too, but with a job, university (I dropped out later on), and being lazy, I only updated it once every full moon with like one drawing (I even have a drawing on my DA that took me like 10 months to finish, not because it took long hours, but I would paint it like 30 minutes every 15 days). After some time I was reeaaally frustated with myself for the same reasons you mentioned, I was bad, I had wasted so many hours not focusing on getting better and I was working on something I hated.
What could I do to change that, I buckled up and made my mind, with games I was at a point where I wasn't even enjoying playing anymore and seeing all these great games and realizing I would never be a part of them if I kept up like that, so I quit university and started to get EVERY gig outside work that I could, I knew that I had to get out of that job because it drained me and I didn't draw that much while on it and I just couldn't leave because I have to pay my bills. So the constant 3 hour sleep nighters happened a lot and by a lot I mean some weeks I'd go 5 days straight sleeping 3~4 hours every night, that went on for like a year and a half.
At a point I was comfortable enough with my freelancing stuff I managed to quit my job and start to getting myself some study, now this is where you'd think the story would pick up and I'd become a great artist and running on a sunny day, nah, I dropped facefirst realizing I knew shit, there are so many things I didn't know and I thought I did, so many subjects to study and there would be so maaany good artists with these great, rocking styles, I didn't know where I'd go, my style was changing as often as I found a new artist with a totally different style, and that was bad, I was looking at the wrong way.
I started spiraling again with having a lot of freelancing work and not knowing where to go with my style, frustrating myself all the time because I just couldn't find a style that I could move towards. And then it hit me, I was just so focused on trying to be like these artists and their styles and I forgot how to have fun with my art. I realized there would be a huge difference between artists that you are amazed by their art and the ones that inspire you. I always loved the funny and cartoony style of blizzard since I started playing games, like warcraft 2 or lost vikings but when I started to draw I just folded under the constant barrage of realistic styles and criticism like "you should draw like it's a real photo", that last one stuck with me for years and it's still somewhere in me and I have to keep reminding myself to have fun, don't just copy.
Art talks and podcasts are always fun but you gotta remind yourself that they're the artists opinions, they are not the truth set in stone. You could study for hours to an end because artist X said to study this many hours so that's why I do it, nah, you should do it because you want to have more fun with your art by improving yourself with those studying hours, by polishing what you're not comfortable with and of course having that amazing moment when you break through something you had issues with. Keep that in mind and the study attacks get easier and easier.
My latest study attack has lasted since June but this time this one will stay for good, I know where I want to go, the fog has lifted and I can see where I want to go, now all I gotta do is work hard for it. The ticking clock is still in my mind but there is nothing I can do about it, I cannot change the past, all I can do is bust out and keep pushing no matter what.
What a ramble, never typed this much and I don't even know if it makes sense, not gonna double check it either hahaha, so to sum it up:
![[Image: just-do-it-hed-2013.jpg]](http://www.adweek.com/files/imagecache/node-blog/blogs/just-do-it-hed-2013.jpg)
My backstory is pretty similar as yours, I have been trying to make out as an artist for about 10 years, but in those earlier years I found myself in a loop where I would try to draw what I liked but it never came out good and I'd give up and start playing something. It came and went, I started working and I had settled for good, never really pushing myself to study and frustrating myself all the time.
The ticking clock started to grow on me even as I played games I started to think that I should be studying, but once something flashy appeared on the screen I forgot that. I tried to create a sketchbook over at CA too, but with a job, university (I dropped out later on), and being lazy, I only updated it once every full moon with like one drawing (I even have a drawing on my DA that took me like 10 months to finish, not because it took long hours, but I would paint it like 30 minutes every 15 days). After some time I was reeaaally frustated with myself for the same reasons you mentioned, I was bad, I had wasted so many hours not focusing on getting better and I was working on something I hated.
What could I do to change that, I buckled up and made my mind, with games I was at a point where I wasn't even enjoying playing anymore and seeing all these great games and realizing I would never be a part of them if I kept up like that, so I quit university and started to get EVERY gig outside work that I could, I knew that I had to get out of that job because it drained me and I didn't draw that much while on it and I just couldn't leave because I have to pay my bills. So the constant 3 hour sleep nighters happened a lot and by a lot I mean some weeks I'd go 5 days straight sleeping 3~4 hours every night, that went on for like a year and a half.
At a point I was comfortable enough with my freelancing stuff I managed to quit my job and start to getting myself some study, now this is where you'd think the story would pick up and I'd become a great artist and running on a sunny day, nah, I dropped facefirst realizing I knew shit, there are so many things I didn't know and I thought I did, so many subjects to study and there would be so maaany good artists with these great, rocking styles, I didn't know where I'd go, my style was changing as often as I found a new artist with a totally different style, and that was bad, I was looking at the wrong way.
I started spiraling again with having a lot of freelancing work and not knowing where to go with my style, frustrating myself all the time because I just couldn't find a style that I could move towards. And then it hit me, I was just so focused on trying to be like these artists and their styles and I forgot how to have fun with my art. I realized there would be a huge difference between artists that you are amazed by their art and the ones that inspire you. I always loved the funny and cartoony style of blizzard since I started playing games, like warcraft 2 or lost vikings but when I started to draw I just folded under the constant barrage of realistic styles and criticism like "you should draw like it's a real photo", that last one stuck with me for years and it's still somewhere in me and I have to keep reminding myself to have fun, don't just copy.
Art talks and podcasts are always fun but you gotta remind yourself that they're the artists opinions, they are not the truth set in stone. You could study for hours to an end because artist X said to study this many hours so that's why I do it, nah, you should do it because you want to have more fun with your art by improving yourself with those studying hours, by polishing what you're not comfortable with and of course having that amazing moment when you break through something you had issues with. Keep that in mind and the study attacks get easier and easier.
My latest study attack has lasted since June but this time this one will stay for good, I know where I want to go, the fog has lifted and I can see where I want to go, now all I gotta do is work hard for it. The ticking clock is still in my mind but there is nothing I can do about it, I cannot change the past, all I can do is bust out and keep pushing no matter what.
What a ramble, never typed this much and I don't even know if it makes sense, not gonna double check it either hahaha, so to sum it up: