11-12-2014, 09:53 PM
I've been too afraid to reply and reveal more about how useless all my life has been, because of how weak-minded I am. But I really am very grateful of this thread and the stories shared, and the most important message - enjoy the art you're doing.
The only thing my experience is good for is perhaps like a corpse on the ground that warns "This direction is unhealthy" for anyone... :
For nearly 10 years I tried to do what I think and what I've heard I should be doing to make it as an artist, and all the while building it all on top of a bog field of deep doubts. I held no jobs longer than 2 years since graduating college, none of which art-related. I had became too weak-minded to others' opinion of what kind of job and career I should do, and too weak-willed to believe in hard work anymore after a string of disappointments. Since college, I did art sporadically with many fake goals I thought I "should" pursuit to prove to and pacify other people that art is a legitimate thing to do with one's life. Doubt snuffed all those efforts out as if I was just pretending and playing house at a career and life the whole time. The more and louder the Ticking Clock sounded, the worse I felt, and the deeper I shove my head into the sand. Later I started to plan for stopping the Clock for good, and just check out, because I couldn't take it anymore. Now, Ticking Clock is still ticking. Life is still the same old career-less, friend-less, and-some-other-stuff-less life. Nothing's changed nearly 10 years after college. Except I might've gotten a bit more numb-ear and numb-heart about it all, and have started to do more random, traditional art. But there's a small difference now - I kind of enjoy doing them. They may very well be nothing more than pointless, comfort-zone, masturbatory paintings of one who's living up the stereotype of life-fail that lives in Mom's basement at 30 with no real job to pay rent. But the small packets of positive feelings and confidence these random art gave enough energy for me to start making different plans about where to go with art. So far they're words on paper, and as good as all the previous failed attempts. So you can say all this talk is just stupid talk of a loser who hasn't walked anywhere, and you'll be right, for a while.
All this blabber, I just want to give the lesson I learned as thanks for other daggers putting it out there, especially Caisine who started this. Lesson = Yes one needs to get along with people, and yes, one needs to be open to other people's feed back and point of view. But those are the cole slaw and fries on your plate, not the burger. The burger is you. You gotta be the one who has thought this through and decide whether or not to do it for your own reasons. You gotta like your burger, and not get a bloody rare beef burger when deep down what you really enjoy is a fish burger because someone else told you that's what you should be eating to be [xyz].
The only thing my experience is good for is perhaps like a corpse on the ground that warns "This direction is unhealthy" for anyone... :
For nearly 10 years I tried to do what I think and what I've heard I should be doing to make it as an artist, and all the while building it all on top of a bog field of deep doubts. I held no jobs longer than 2 years since graduating college, none of which art-related. I had became too weak-minded to others' opinion of what kind of job and career I should do, and too weak-willed to believe in hard work anymore after a string of disappointments. Since college, I did art sporadically with many fake goals I thought I "should" pursuit to prove to and pacify other people that art is a legitimate thing to do with one's life. Doubt snuffed all those efforts out as if I was just pretending and playing house at a career and life the whole time. The more and louder the Ticking Clock sounded, the worse I felt, and the deeper I shove my head into the sand. Later I started to plan for stopping the Clock for good, and just check out, because I couldn't take it anymore. Now, Ticking Clock is still ticking. Life is still the same old career-less, friend-less, and-some-other-stuff-less life. Nothing's changed nearly 10 years after college. Except I might've gotten a bit more numb-ear and numb-heart about it all, and have started to do more random, traditional art. But there's a small difference now - I kind of enjoy doing them. They may very well be nothing more than pointless, comfort-zone, masturbatory paintings of one who's living up the stereotype of life-fail that lives in Mom's basement at 30 with no real job to pay rent. But the small packets of positive feelings and confidence these random art gave enough energy for me to start making different plans about where to go with art. So far they're words on paper, and as good as all the previous failed attempts. So you can say all this talk is just stupid talk of a loser who hasn't walked anywhere, and you'll be right, for a while.
All this blabber, I just want to give the lesson I learned as thanks for other daggers putting it out there, especially Caisine who started this. Lesson = Yes one needs to get along with people, and yes, one needs to be open to other people's feed back and point of view. But those are the cole slaw and fries on your plate, not the burger. The burger is you. You gotta be the one who has thought this through and decide whether or not to do it for your own reasons. You gotta like your burger, and not get a bloody rare beef burger when deep down what you really enjoy is a fish burger because someone else told you that's what you should be eating to be [xyz].