11-19-2014, 04:20 AM
Sula that is awesome. You have come full circle! :)
It's actually quite amusing (and you have to find it amusing or you might have to cry) that we can spend so much time searching for the answers out there, only to realise that the answers are almost always to be found within us. The only thing the journey is for is to help us realise that we have not been listening or trusting them, we hide them, change them into something else, confuse the meaning based on what others are doing or say we are supposed to be doing.
Self awareness is the one secret to being 'good at life' which doesn't mean being outwardly successful as many people seem to use it to mean, but being content and even happy with what you are and are doing, with no judgements.
In my 7 month break, there were points where I really thought that I would never come back to doing art. And it was so scary. But I asked myself truthfully why? I then realised I wasn't scared of losing art from my life, but scared of not achieving what I had set out to do...of giving up....of not being "successful".
It was Fear alone; To be scared so much of failure that it crippled my chance of success! This was insanity. So I gave up my crazy hope of 'making it' which had overshadowed all else. It wasn't exactly easy, and I'm not sure I have completely removed it really, but I believe the Buddhist teachings are right...desire really is the source of all our own suffering. I'm not sure if people misunderstand me when I say I gave up hope because typically we tend to view hope as a good thing to have. But actually hope is simply a coping mechanism for survival. I have not given up hope from a sense of futility, but more a gesture of acceptance.
I liken it to being a captive prisoner, waiting for your execution date. You know it is coming but you have this desperate hope of being freed in order to cope with your own fear of death. Sure maybe someone will free you miraculously, but you have only delayed the inevitable, you haven't escaped death nor achieved freedom. You know when you achieve true freedom? When you face your death with acceptance, and go calmly and with dignity.
There is nothing to survive. I don't need hope. I am still here and can still do art, I can work towards goals and with great purpose, but all without having this craziness inside me. We should all be living hopelessly!
I hope (lol) that people understand the difference, because I believe it is probably the most defining moment in my artistic development, it took me 3 years to find and it has NOTHING to do with skills or a style or any of that other stuff.
I'm a little tentative yet, and feeling my way back to painting, but the moment I just started allowing myself some room, and being a bit more open to the world, and not giving such a huge damn deal about Art with a capital A (serious business). I started getting opportunities come my way. I actually am just having fun and a great little side benefit that is happening, is that where in the past I was hugely critical of my own work, I am not so much any more, because f* it what the heck is the point? Yeah sure, there is lots that can be improved, but dammit, there is nothing wrong with that at all and there is no point bringing yourself down about it because it doesn't help. This is probably where all of us could do with a lot of soul searching and self development on.
Anyways I don't want to write another book. GO for it Sula. Listen to yourself, don't be critical of something silly like your "skills" and just open yourself up to the possibilities within you :)
It's actually quite amusing (and you have to find it amusing or you might have to cry) that we can spend so much time searching for the answers out there, only to realise that the answers are almost always to be found within us. The only thing the journey is for is to help us realise that we have not been listening or trusting them, we hide them, change them into something else, confuse the meaning based on what others are doing or say we are supposed to be doing.
Self awareness is the one secret to being 'good at life' which doesn't mean being outwardly successful as many people seem to use it to mean, but being content and even happy with what you are and are doing, with no judgements.
In my 7 month break, there were points where I really thought that I would never come back to doing art. And it was so scary. But I asked myself truthfully why? I then realised I wasn't scared of losing art from my life, but scared of not achieving what I had set out to do...of giving up....of not being "successful".
It was Fear alone; To be scared so much of failure that it crippled my chance of success! This was insanity. So I gave up my crazy hope of 'making it' which had overshadowed all else. It wasn't exactly easy, and I'm not sure I have completely removed it really, but I believe the Buddhist teachings are right...desire really is the source of all our own suffering. I'm not sure if people misunderstand me when I say I gave up hope because typically we tend to view hope as a good thing to have. But actually hope is simply a coping mechanism for survival. I have not given up hope from a sense of futility, but more a gesture of acceptance.
I liken it to being a captive prisoner, waiting for your execution date. You know it is coming but you have this desperate hope of being freed in order to cope with your own fear of death. Sure maybe someone will free you miraculously, but you have only delayed the inevitable, you haven't escaped death nor achieved freedom. You know when you achieve true freedom? When you face your death with acceptance, and go calmly and with dignity.
There is nothing to survive. I don't need hope. I am still here and can still do art, I can work towards goals and with great purpose, but all without having this craziness inside me. We should all be living hopelessly!
I hope (lol) that people understand the difference, because I believe it is probably the most defining moment in my artistic development, it took me 3 years to find and it has NOTHING to do with skills or a style or any of that other stuff.
I'm a little tentative yet, and feeling my way back to painting, but the moment I just started allowing myself some room, and being a bit more open to the world, and not giving such a huge damn deal about Art with a capital A (serious business). I started getting opportunities come my way. I actually am just having fun and a great little side benefit that is happening, is that where in the past I was hugely critical of my own work, I am not so much any more, because f* it what the heck is the point? Yeah sure, there is lots that can be improved, but dammit, there is nothing wrong with that at all and there is no point bringing yourself down about it because it doesn't help. This is probably where all of us could do with a lot of soul searching and self development on.
Anyways I don't want to write another book. GO for it Sula. Listen to yourself, don't be critical of something silly like your "skills" and just open yourself up to the possibilities within you :)