03-21-2015, 11:31 PM
I'm not really sure how to go about this ... neither am I sure if everyone else went through it. I'll try to explain to the best of my ability (and English abilities) how I feel about Failure and what I've experienced so far in an attempt to maybe find an answer that will change my way of thinking forever. I'm aware that it will probably never happen but it's always worth a try ... I thought.
We all know that failure is required in order to learn from it and improve ... but what happens when you don't learn from it ? You're bound to repeat the same mistake over and over again ... right ? This is my biggest fear that is consuming me over and over and over ... The concept of repeating a mistake like that until it turns out right instead of finding the answer as to why you're failing after the first 2 or 3 attempts is sort of impossible to perceive for my mind. No matter how hard I try I just can't ... it feels illogical and I get even more mentally tired for trying to attempt it.
Everyone says just do it, just draw more etc. but hell if it is that simple for my mind to follow something like that. When I hear something like this .... my next thought is "So you're telling me that because I can't fix or find an answer on how to fix my mistake or even find the mistake itself (the classical "IT FEELS WRONG but I don't know why or what exactly is causing it" feeling) ... I should repeat it until it turns out right??"
I try to overcome this fear .. to forget about it ... but really ... how can I when nothing much is changing ? How can I when the whole purpose of becoming better is defeated the instant I encounter a problem that I can't/don't know how to fix.
And because I can't forget about it ... my mind tries to forget about it for me and the whole stressing part of course by trying to make anything else more appealing ... take an additional shower , cook something though I already have food , play a game even tho I'm not feeling like it at all... etc. hoping that when I return from any other activity like that a magical answer will appear in my head ... or maybe just waiting for the day to end so I can put an end to all the worries and stress through sleep ... pretty much similar to how people feel when they die, I imagine.
I just started crying while writing this probably as another natural response to the overwhelming negative feelings. I have to say it's probably been quite a few years since something like this has happened ... at least it gave me a slight relief. I'm tired .. of thinking ... of myself ... I don't know.
I'm not sure if everyone else experiences this ... regardless I want to know ... how ... how are you able to just find the exact answers to every problem you encounter and then just practice it ?
Sometimes I wonder if maybe all the other people have superior processing abilities , maybe they're thinking on a whole other level then me by default ... or maybe I'm just too stupid for this. Maybe that's why I can't find answers.
Do/did you guys ever feel like this ? If so .. what did you do ?
(I can give examples of such failures if needed.)
Sorry if it didn't make much sense ...
We all know that failure is required in order to learn from it and improve ... but what happens when you don't learn from it ? You're bound to repeat the same mistake over and over again ... right ? This is my biggest fear that is consuming me over and over and over ... The concept of repeating a mistake like that until it turns out right instead of finding the answer as to why you're failing after the first 2 or 3 attempts is sort of impossible to perceive for my mind. No matter how hard I try I just can't ... it feels illogical and I get even more mentally tired for trying to attempt it.
Everyone says just do it, just draw more etc. but hell if it is that simple for my mind to follow something like that. When I hear something like this .... my next thought is "So you're telling me that because I can't fix or find an answer on how to fix my mistake or even find the mistake itself (the classical "IT FEELS WRONG but I don't know why or what exactly is causing it" feeling) ... I should repeat it until it turns out right??"
I try to overcome this fear .. to forget about it ... but really ... how can I when nothing much is changing ? How can I when the whole purpose of becoming better is defeated the instant I encounter a problem that I can't/don't know how to fix.
And because I can't forget about it ... my mind tries to forget about it for me and the whole stressing part of course by trying to make anything else more appealing ... take an additional shower , cook something though I already have food , play a game even tho I'm not feeling like it at all... etc. hoping that when I return from any other activity like that a magical answer will appear in my head ... or maybe just waiting for the day to end so I can put an end to all the worries and stress through sleep ... pretty much similar to how people feel when they die, I imagine.
I just started crying while writing this probably as another natural response to the overwhelming negative feelings. I have to say it's probably been quite a few years since something like this has happened ... at least it gave me a slight relief. I'm tired .. of thinking ... of myself ... I don't know.
I'm not sure if everyone else experiences this ... regardless I want to know ... how ... how are you able to just find the exact answers to every problem you encounter and then just practice it ?
Sometimes I wonder if maybe all the other people have superior processing abilities , maybe they're thinking on a whole other level then me by default ... or maybe I'm just too stupid for this. Maybe that's why I can't find answers.
Do/did you guys ever feel like this ? If so .. what did you do ?
(I can give examples of such failures if needed.)
Sorry if it didn't make much sense ...