03-23-2015, 02:11 AM
Thanks guys , I really appreciate that you took the time to reply :)
It is indeed fear of failure as you've said Amit .. and it is indeed a ridiculous aspect of myself hence why I've said "maybe find an answer that will change my way of thinking forever". What I want the most is to stop this constant internal fear struggle and just be happy with my own pace and actually be able to gradually improve it. Right now I'm stagnating due to these fears. When faced with so many root sources of fear it really does affect everything I do to a point where it becomes illogical to do anything.
I've tried to track down the roots and note them down ... maybe having them like that will help me (or somebody else) fight them and maybe think of them as unjustified ... again ... that's really hard to do.
~ fear of not actively learning.
~ fear of not being able to identify the problem and not what I vaguely think it is the problem.
~ fear of not being able to find fitting solutions. (example: I can't possibly draw a hand without using constructional methods ... the moment I encounter a hand in a side-view with fingers spread for example .. it becomes unnaproachable. The expressiveness is nowhere near even if somehow I do manage to do it. fear explodes.)
~ fear of not being able to work harder on the "boring stuff". (which is probably caused or strongly related to the ones above)
~ fear of not being able to succeed without having a very set tight/specific goal in mind for my future as an artist like everyone else has. (example: concept designer / illustration / furryporn .. lol ... whatever one's goal is)
~ fear of not having something I really like to draw anymore (probably caused by tiredness of things not coming out right) thus not having anything to go back to in order to relax. I think this is more of a thing for people that actually have a bigger background of drawing in their childhood and actually have something they can draw and do it perfectly to their liking .. I suppose. Maybe I should try finding this certain something that I could do perfectly to my liking. By perfectly I of course don't actually mean that it should be perfect ... jsut good enough for oneself to enjoy.
~ fear of not being able to succeed because I can't follow a tight schedule like most people do. (since one of the above fears will ruin it inevitably)
~ fear of not knowing what to do next.
~ fear of not understading how other people approach and understand everything. (example : Ken Hultgren's book about animal drawing. Everyone seems to be ok with it. I find it 70% unnaproachable. This is one of the reasons that made my fears completely explode this time I think)
~ fear of not being able to have fun with the process anymore.
This was all I could think of so far.
A fear of not becoming a professional or something like that in 2 years isn't really much of a fear for me since it wasn't really something I've set our for myself. It's more of an external pressure however I'm fairly confident that I could make a living by doing quite little compared to a lot of other people due to currency exchange rates and my country simply being poorer.
My goal is ultimately to become better at drawing as efficiently and fast as I can ... to be in a position where I no longer have to struggle as hard as I do now. I'm aware that there'll always be struggle but I'm certain there is far far less "struggle power" when the foundations are strong.
Because both things mentioned above have the "Faster" element in them it may seem as if hitting professional is a cause of fear. What I really want is to lessen the struggle asap.
I think Alex Negrea is right about this and it's probably the thing I need to achieve the most right now. "Once you stop being afraid of failing and embrace it, you start to see the world with different eyes." It just seems so damn hard to achieve tho.
It is indeed fear of failure as you've said Amit .. and it is indeed a ridiculous aspect of myself hence why I've said "maybe find an answer that will change my way of thinking forever". What I want the most is to stop this constant internal fear struggle and just be happy with my own pace and actually be able to gradually improve it. Right now I'm stagnating due to these fears. When faced with so many root sources of fear it really does affect everything I do to a point where it becomes illogical to do anything.
I've tried to track down the roots and note them down ... maybe having them like that will help me (or somebody else) fight them and maybe think of them as unjustified ... again ... that's really hard to do.
~ fear of not actively learning.
~ fear of not being able to identify the problem and not what I vaguely think it is the problem.
~ fear of not being able to find fitting solutions. (example: I can't possibly draw a hand without using constructional methods ... the moment I encounter a hand in a side-view with fingers spread for example .. it becomes unnaproachable. The expressiveness is nowhere near even if somehow I do manage to do it. fear explodes.)
~ fear of not being able to work harder on the "boring stuff". (which is probably caused or strongly related to the ones above)
~ fear of not being able to succeed without having a very set tight/specific goal in mind for my future as an artist like everyone else has. (example: concept designer / illustration / furryporn .. lol ... whatever one's goal is)
~ fear of not having something I really like to draw anymore (probably caused by tiredness of things not coming out right) thus not having anything to go back to in order to relax. I think this is more of a thing for people that actually have a bigger background of drawing in their childhood and actually have something they can draw and do it perfectly to their liking .. I suppose. Maybe I should try finding this certain something that I could do perfectly to my liking. By perfectly I of course don't actually mean that it should be perfect ... jsut good enough for oneself to enjoy.
~ fear of not being able to succeed because I can't follow a tight schedule like most people do. (since one of the above fears will ruin it inevitably)
~ fear of not knowing what to do next.
~ fear of not understading how other people approach and understand everything. (example : Ken Hultgren's book about animal drawing. Everyone seems to be ok with it. I find it 70% unnaproachable. This is one of the reasons that made my fears completely explode this time I think)
~ fear of not being able to have fun with the process anymore.
This was all I could think of so far.
A fear of not becoming a professional or something like that in 2 years isn't really much of a fear for me since it wasn't really something I've set our for myself. It's more of an external pressure however I'm fairly confident that I could make a living by doing quite little compared to a lot of other people due to currency exchange rates and my country simply being poorer.
My goal is ultimately to become better at drawing as efficiently and fast as I can ... to be in a position where I no longer have to struggle as hard as I do now. I'm aware that there'll always be struggle but I'm certain there is far far less "struggle power" when the foundations are strong.
Because both things mentioned above have the "Faster" element in them it may seem as if hitting professional is a cause of fear. What I really want is to lessen the struggle asap.
I think Alex Negrea is right about this and it's probably the thing I need to achieve the most right now. "Once you stop being afraid of failing and embrace it, you start to see the world with different eyes." It just seems so damn hard to achieve tho.