03-23-2015, 06:01 AM
Hope it helps Trigger!
Adrian I don't know if this will help you, because you really have to find your own realisation and way forward. Writing a list is all good, but it takes more awareness on a continuous level to really start to see how they manifest in your mind. The way I have come to see my own fears and what actually counteracts it is the following.
Fear generally does one of two things to me, it either pushes me into doing nothing different at all. I am stuck in the status quo, the evil I know is better than the evil I don't etc. It results in inaction. The other more extreme thing, is that it actually forces me to act in ways totally counter to what my deep goals may be; but I believe that inaction in following your own true instinct is actually the main thing that fear is doing to you.
Also fear in art tends to be future focused, have a look at your list...they mostly are about the future. It's natural. We either embrace or fear the unknown, and the future is most definitely unknown. It is a fantasy actually. Seemingly a dark fantasy for self teaching artists :)
So what I found that helped me is two things. First you have to become hyperaware of the fear in you, down to individual thoughts that say things like "What about the mortgage, you're going to lose the house" , or "You won't learn anything, and will grind for years to no improvement". That kind of thing.
Then every time those thoughts come, you listen to them but then you counter them with some action that goes completely against it.
So whenever my fear of not getting contracts hit me, all I did was apply to more companies. I was applying every night for 3 weeks straight with no replies or only rejects. The more scared I got, the more I amped up my positive counter-action. I didn't spend days thinking about doing it. I literally found a few companies, opened up my email, said the minimum needed and fired them off without a second thought. I also promptly forgot about them. Dwelling in the past is also a source of anxiety and one I really don't rate either.
When I started getting emails back with contract offers, I was almost surprised because I had forgotten I even sent them.
I believe this is the key to conquering your fear. Positive Action.
Not pretending it isn't there, or somehow being a fearless being, it is acting in the positive everytime it rears it's head, rather than just sit there and listen.
You need to be quite self aware to catch every fear hiding in there (not all are voiced through thoughts) which is why I recommended meditation. It helps you listen to and understand yourself better.
Another thing that struck me are the words you use about "lessening your struggle ASAP" and is very telling. You can't expect quick fix solutions to everything according to your own timeframes. Things ripen in their own time. Yes you can be more aware of what might help or is hindering, but you also have to give up this notion of absolute control that you have.
As a perfectionist this can be hard to do, but it is essential you look at it. Perhaps one of the things you need to become more aware of also is this strong streak of perfectionism and desire for control within yourself. It seems to be where much of your fears stem from as well and explain why you are getting so stressed.
You cannot control anything no matter how much you think you can. Things work best when we accept the flow of things rather than try and control everything. I don't mean waft around in an airy fairy way, you can still have goals and take actions, but you can have them in the full knowledge that things may not go your way the way you expect. And when they don't, well so what? You change your actions and see what results. There are no HUGE consequences to every action that we seem to believe and overthink on.
Pretty much what Tigger said about going with the flow, except you have to learn to open the gates of the flow. I think you need to give up this idea that you are in control of anything, because this is actually not the case. Only then will you be able to find the natural flow in things.
And some quotes from the Tao Te Ching which is an amazing little collection of wisdom:
"By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond the winning."
“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.”
"A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving.
A good artist lets his intuition lead him wherever it wants.
A good scientist has freed himself of concepts and keeps his mind open to what is."
"If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve.”
Adrian I don't know if this will help you, because you really have to find your own realisation and way forward. Writing a list is all good, but it takes more awareness on a continuous level to really start to see how they manifest in your mind. The way I have come to see my own fears and what actually counteracts it is the following.
Fear generally does one of two things to me, it either pushes me into doing nothing different at all. I am stuck in the status quo, the evil I know is better than the evil I don't etc. It results in inaction. The other more extreme thing, is that it actually forces me to act in ways totally counter to what my deep goals may be; but I believe that inaction in following your own true instinct is actually the main thing that fear is doing to you.
Also fear in art tends to be future focused, have a look at your list...they mostly are about the future. It's natural. We either embrace or fear the unknown, and the future is most definitely unknown. It is a fantasy actually. Seemingly a dark fantasy for self teaching artists :)
So what I found that helped me is two things. First you have to become hyperaware of the fear in you, down to individual thoughts that say things like "What about the mortgage, you're going to lose the house" , or "You won't learn anything, and will grind for years to no improvement". That kind of thing.
Then every time those thoughts come, you listen to them but then you counter them with some action that goes completely against it.
So whenever my fear of not getting contracts hit me, all I did was apply to more companies. I was applying every night for 3 weeks straight with no replies or only rejects. The more scared I got, the more I amped up my positive counter-action. I didn't spend days thinking about doing it. I literally found a few companies, opened up my email, said the minimum needed and fired them off without a second thought. I also promptly forgot about them. Dwelling in the past is also a source of anxiety and one I really don't rate either.
When I started getting emails back with contract offers, I was almost surprised because I had forgotten I even sent them.
I believe this is the key to conquering your fear. Positive Action.
Not pretending it isn't there, or somehow being a fearless being, it is acting in the positive everytime it rears it's head, rather than just sit there and listen.
You need to be quite self aware to catch every fear hiding in there (not all are voiced through thoughts) which is why I recommended meditation. It helps you listen to and understand yourself better.
Another thing that struck me are the words you use about "lessening your struggle ASAP" and is very telling. You can't expect quick fix solutions to everything according to your own timeframes. Things ripen in their own time. Yes you can be more aware of what might help or is hindering, but you also have to give up this notion of absolute control that you have.
As a perfectionist this can be hard to do, but it is essential you look at it. Perhaps one of the things you need to become more aware of also is this strong streak of perfectionism and desire for control within yourself. It seems to be where much of your fears stem from as well and explain why you are getting so stressed.
You cannot control anything no matter how much you think you can. Things work best when we accept the flow of things rather than try and control everything. I don't mean waft around in an airy fairy way, you can still have goals and take actions, but you can have them in the full knowledge that things may not go your way the way you expect. And when they don't, well so what? You change your actions and see what results. There are no HUGE consequences to every action that we seem to believe and overthink on.
Pretty much what Tigger said about going with the flow, except you have to learn to open the gates of the flow. I think you need to give up this idea that you are in control of anything, because this is actually not the case. Only then will you be able to find the natural flow in things.
And some quotes from the Tao Te Ching which is an amazing little collection of wisdom:
"By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try, the world is beyond the winning."
“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. If you realize that you have enough, you are truly rich.”
"A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving.
A good artist lets his intuition lead him wherever it wants.
A good scientist has freed himself of concepts and keeps his mind open to what is."
"If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve.”