Feeling like a loser

[mimimimi]

Miri, Patrick I think nailed the general things you can do to help your discipline in doing the art thing as a long term game. He has compiled some great tips in his new article too, very practical. I won't add much on that side, because ultimately you have to find your balance of what works for you on the skill building and doing side of things.

Reading your posts and answers make me feel I can add something in terms of what might be a more fruitful attitude to have about your situation.
But first off, I am 37. I started seriously training my skills when I was about 34, and I am fully self taught while working a full time job. I am now fulltime freelance as of 2 months ago, I have won some great competitions and I am now starting to get freelance gigs with some pro companies. I am only saying this so that you can judge my skill, where i am at and weigh what i say against this rather than talking my own self up. You can check out my folio here. www.monkeybreadart.com

1. Perspective. There is a sense of entitlement to your words. While Jeso really didn't mince words, I believe he picked up on a theme that I also felt. To reiterate, you are not entitled to anything. Air, water, a place to live, a job, money, a lover, friends etc etc. You have been given a gift of spending a relatively short time on this planet with good health and the means to act as you wish for the most part. A lot of people don't even start out this lucky, and have entire lives lived in pain and suffering. If you find that you aren't living with gratitude of this basic fact, then perhaps some reflection on this might help you see past your own problems and put them into perspective. Volunteering to help others in misfortune is a brilliant way of injecting some gratitude of the things you have and the potential you have rather than focusing on what you don't have :A job, freelance gigs, "success".
I do understand the frustration with the art journey, believe me, but you cannot let it drive your entire outlook on life just because it can seemingly be bleak at times.

2. Age is nothing in art. So why even mention it? If you judge things by what you have "achieved" by a certain age, compared to others you are just succumbing to the bullshit that society feeds us these days and being driven to distraction by iy as a result. Worldly success and achievements are very much overrated in today's world and are actually a double edged sword! so don't go seeking it, instead do what you love, trust your gut instinct, be true to yourself, and success will literally come and find you in some way as a result. If you are always only focused on achieving success, be it a certain job, or material things or something else external things may turn out very differently and it will be an exceedingly frustrating journey. So stop looking at your age as an important factor in this. Do you think at 34 I thought I was too old? Never! I have never once had this thought, and I never will. It is totally pointless to fear what you cannot alter.

3. Clients hire you because they are paying for a service for something they need, therefore you need to show them you can deliver.
There is a 3 circle diagram for this. The circles are
1. Awesome work
2. On time
3. professional and easy to work with.

If you are lacking in any of these, then this will effect future work and your reputation.
Example, if you do awesome work, you deliver it on time, but you are a total prima donna ahole. They may not give you another gig.
All they care about is getting their needs met.

4.Folio.
since you aren't getting work at all with your folio then perhaps you need to show better stuff in general and that often means just keeping on working and building and adding to the folio. Don't do it as a "project", just build it into your routine to work on 1 folio piece a month, and swap it with the worst..
Your folio needs to be concise and to the point. Don't barrage them with a whole bunch of cloned pieces all the same, don't show too much sketchy shit, only your 10 best pieces.
Don't jump all over the show. Granted I do this a bit with mine, but the images in mine are predominantly enviros, and guess what type of work I predominantly get?

In terms of your work. I saw some nice character concepts, but too many that looked very similar. I saw a couple of enviro designs that were nice but basic. Remove anything that is a study or looks like a study, remove sketches.
You mentioned illustration as something you are choosing between, but I didn't see a single illustration in your folio besides the cover art, and that isn't a strong piece. It looks like you want to go concept, which is fine, but then be clear about this in your own mind.

Oh and in terms of first impressions. Get rid of that female body builder from your header. I know what it is, but it still looks like you tried and failed to do something that was neither female nor male. It made me instantly judge your skill, and I can see that you can do figures and characters well enough, so take out that ambiguous message.

I don't know to who or how you promote yourself, but this is exceedingly important in getting gigs. How often do you send your folio to places, or go to networking events or post artist for hire ads, etc? If you want jobs this needs to happen almost daily, at least until you get some clients going and they come back for repeat business and you start to develop a rep. You need to also send new work you have been doing every few months even to the guys you hear nothing from, eventually it might hit the mark.

Gah, I've already taken too long. Gonna have to stop here, but hope it helps. Feel free to ask questions on anything I said.

Hi and thanks for your advice too. Well society puts some influence on me since all my family constantly reminds me on what i need to do in their opinion. Or friends telling me I need to grow up and give up on my childish dreams. Or when I try to get just a regular job to earn some money aside and in the interview I am told that I am too old and unexperienced to be accepted. It's not easy to see my future happy, bright and positive. On the other hand there is nothing I like doing more than drawing/painting (okay I like games as I said but it's not the meaning of my life). So even in moments like now when I really feel like giving up, I know that I can't and won't.
About the illustrations, I thought everything beside and below the cover were illustrations :p I didn't consider them concepts because.... well it's just one single shot each and quite empty space, I mean not any epic looking stuff that could be used for games or film. In my opinion.

And about the cover: can you tell me what's so weak about it?
I have the feeling like when I like a work and think it's good, other people think it's weak. And the stuff that I think is not very good or was pretty quickly done is what gets the most positive feedback...