02-25-2016, 02:12 AM
First an answer to the existentialist dilemma: NO. Absolutely in no way does your current situation indicate that you don't have what it takes to be an artist long term. Everything actually seems to indicate the opposite to me.
This problem has been created by your boss's management style and approach to your work despite your best attempts at making the best of it and trying to do your best for yourself and the team. From my own experience in IT and using agile methodology including scrum for many projects unfortunately it doesn't really matter what methodology is followed or where and what you work as, when you work in a team where your direct manager is being an ass who doesn't properly show appreciation or allow employees to share their views and who thinks he knows best even when he is clearly out of his depth.
I forget the exact stats but a gallup engagement poll done globally found that the percentage of employees who rated their manager as under performing and being the main reason for their low engagement at work is something in the realms of 75%. Globally! You know what this means? No matter where you work, 3 out of 4 times, you will get an ass of a direct manager who makes your life as an employee harder than it needs to be! I can attest to this in direct experience from a decade of corporate working myself. I have lots of experience with bad managers and I have managed small teams of people myself who rated me in the 1/4 category. Go me. At least I know what a good manager needs to be doing for their employees, because that's what they are there for: work for the employees, not the other way around!
So that's the reality; the manager makes all the difference and unfortunately you didn't get the lucky 1/4 draw. The upside is you are learning valuable lessons in patience and dealing with frustration and another is you are starting to learn what not to do if you ever have to lead a team in the future.
There is something I think you should try first to make the situation better, before you do anything else.
Open an honest line of communication with your boss.
Honesty I think really is the best policy most of the time. You have tried, but I think you have tried in a round about way by suggesting improvements and other things which are unfortunately mostly being shot down without satisfactory consideration. Do NOT be scared to talk to him.
You need to talk honestly about your exact feelings with your boss. You have to tell him without pointing the finger of blame at him or being openly hostile or combative. Don't make him feel threatened (like making threats of leaving etc) but you have to say that you have been losing engagement in your work because of the various things you mentioned: Lack of proper communication and discussion, that you feel your views and suggestions and expertise (You may be a 'beginner' but you know a damn sight more about art than he ever will!) is not being given adequate consideration, especially when you believe it is directly impacting on your ability to deliver a good product individually and as a team. You can demonstrate this by things like, saying how excited and pumped you were in the beginning, but that over time things deteriorated andyou have come to a point where you are getting little enjoyment or fulfillment out of the process as it stands, and that you want to be able to be fully engaged and excited again.
You will need to have thought about and have ready, some suggestions for when he asks, "So what do you want me to do?" in the case that he has no suggestions on how to proceed. You need to have your best solutions to the worst problems ready. These don't have to be just related to the game itself, but also how you guys work together, and what your needs are.
There is no guarantee that he will suddenly turn about and become boss of the year, but if you do not bring your concerns to light, in a way he can relate to, they will get NO focus at all and nothing will change. They will just get worse. Bad managers often need to be managed into doing their job properly and that tends to fall on the shoulders of the insightful proactive employee. He needs to realise that something is in dire need of improvement. If he means well but through incompetence just hasn't realised the effects on you, a key member of the team, there is every chance he will take steps to make things better. Or he may not. The worst managers are that way because they are totally arrogant stupid pricks (can you tell I'm bitter much? :) ) so hopefully he isn't one of those.
This I think is the first thing to try before you make any decisions about your future. I think you should do this soon and let us know what the response is.
In general the fact that he seems to be losing interest and the work is dwindling, isn't really a good sign overall, so you should definitely have a plan B and C formulating in your mind. If heaven forbid the whole thing is canned without much warning, at least you will have a strategy to fall back on.
One thing you shouldn't do is to internalise the situation and question yourself, unless you are actually a part of the problem. It doesn't sound like you are from what I've read.
I also found this interesting looking article about scrum in game development. I haven't read it all, but there might be some useful tidbits on there when you are looking at how your team is being run within Scrum. Your setup doesn't sound particularly textbook SCRUM-y at the moment, and being remote probably makes it a little harder, but who knows maybe there will be something interesting in the article for you.
http://www.gamasutra.com/view/feature/13...scrum_.php
The isolation and depression is a very common thing as someone who also works from home and mostly only talks to the cat during the week. You have to take active steps to counter that. Make sure you have a life out of work, that you get some face-face social time in, be active, exercise, eat well, etc. Also you SHOULD work on your own projects outside of work. Something that you are in total control of yourself.
I hope this will be useful for you!
This problem has been created by your boss's management style and approach to your work despite your best attempts at making the best of it and trying to do your best for yourself and the team. From my own experience in IT and using agile methodology including scrum for many projects unfortunately it doesn't really matter what methodology is followed or where and what you work as, when you work in a team where your direct manager is being an ass who doesn't properly show appreciation or allow employees to share their views and who thinks he knows best even when he is clearly out of his depth.
I forget the exact stats but a gallup engagement poll done globally found that the percentage of employees who rated their manager as under performing and being the main reason for their low engagement at work is something in the realms of 75%. Globally! You know what this means? No matter where you work, 3 out of 4 times, you will get an ass of a direct manager who makes your life as an employee harder than it needs to be! I can attest to this in direct experience from a decade of corporate working myself. I have lots of experience with bad managers and I have managed small teams of people myself who rated me in the 1/4 category. Go me. At least I know what a good manager needs to be doing for their employees, because that's what they are there for: work for the employees, not the other way around!
So that's the reality; the manager makes all the difference and unfortunately you didn't get the lucky 1/4 draw. The upside is you are learning valuable lessons in patience and dealing with frustration and another is you are starting to learn what not to do if you ever have to lead a team in the future.
There is something I think you should try first to make the situation better, before you do anything else.
Open an honest line of communication with your boss.
Honesty I think really is the best policy most of the time. You have tried, but I think you have tried in a round about way by suggesting improvements and other things which are unfortunately mostly being shot down without satisfactory consideration. Do NOT be scared to talk to him.
You need to talk honestly about your exact feelings with your boss. You have to tell him without pointing the finger of blame at him or being openly hostile or combative. Don't make him feel threatened (like making threats of leaving etc) but you have to say that you have been losing engagement in your work because of the various things you mentioned: Lack of proper communication and discussion, that you feel your views and suggestions and expertise (You may be a 'beginner' but you know a damn sight more about art than he ever will!) is not being given adequate consideration, especially when you believe it is directly impacting on your ability to deliver a good product individually and as a team. You can demonstrate this by things like, saying how excited and pumped you were in the beginning, but that over time things deteriorated andyou have come to a point where you are getting little enjoyment or fulfillment out of the process as it stands, and that you want to be able to be fully engaged and excited again.
You will need to have thought about and have ready, some suggestions for when he asks, "So what do you want me to do?" in the case that he has no suggestions on how to proceed. You need to have your best solutions to the worst problems ready. These don't have to be just related to the game itself, but also how you guys work together, and what your needs are.
There is no guarantee that he will suddenly turn about and become boss of the year, but if you do not bring your concerns to light, in a way he can relate to, they will get NO focus at all and nothing will change. They will just get worse. Bad managers often need to be managed into doing their job properly and that tends to fall on the shoulders of the insightful proactive employee. He needs to realise that something is in dire need of improvement. If he means well but through incompetence just hasn't realised the effects on you, a key member of the team, there is every chance he will take steps to make things better. Or he may not. The worst managers are that way because they are totally arrogant stupid pricks (can you tell I'm bitter much? :) ) so hopefully he isn't one of those.
This I think is the first thing to try before you make any decisions about your future. I think you should do this soon and let us know what the response is.
In general the fact that he seems to be losing interest and the work is dwindling, isn't really a good sign overall, so you should definitely have a plan B and C formulating in your mind. If heaven forbid the whole thing is canned without much warning, at least you will have a strategy to fall back on.
One thing you shouldn't do is to internalise the situation and question yourself, unless you are actually a part of the problem. It doesn't sound like you are from what I've read.
I also found this interesting looking article about scrum in game development. I haven't read it all, but there might be some useful tidbits on there when you are looking at how your team is being run within Scrum. Your setup doesn't sound particularly textbook SCRUM-y at the moment, and being remote probably makes it a little harder, but who knows maybe there will be something interesting in the article for you.
http://www.gamasutra.com/view/feature/13...scrum_.php
The isolation and depression is a very common thing as someone who also works from home and mostly only talks to the cat during the week. You have to take active steps to counter that. Make sure you have a life out of work, that you get some face-face social time in, be active, exercise, eat well, etc. Also you SHOULD work on your own projects outside of work. Something that you are in total control of yourself.
I hope this will be useful for you!