04-11-2016, 11:02 AM
Wow, thank you all so much!!
I’ve just been thinking and processing everyone’s words for the last few days (while also being very busy!) as I have to take time to let things settle in my head. It's just the way I function, haha. Curse of the introverts!
You have all been so kind here, and I really, really appreciate it :)
I totally agree with everything you said, and It made things seem much simpler in that light, haha. And working out a schedule is a good idea; I’d had one previously, but there were so many things I added to it (not focusing on one thing) that things just got wacked out and stressy. Focusing on one thing seems to be the way to go! Thank you so much~
I totally agree. My portfolio is made of mostly client work, and though I always had fun doing it, it’s not exactly what I want to do forever, or what I find extremely satisfying. And I have begun to be much more picky about whose work I take on, and it’s really helping a lot. Thank you so much!! I think I'll definitely continue to be so, especially since I know how to work with normal jobs a bit more, haha.
You people are just so awesome :)
I’m thinking of starting one a little down the line, after I’ve got some content to share. I have a lot of sketches, which I’m considering turning into a sketchbook, but we’ll see!
Minna Sundburg, one of the artists I follow, does a longform webcomic, and she basically lives off of the Kickstarter money for her books. She’ll get about 60,000 USD a year, and use some for the book, and the rest to live on. Then the next year she’ll compile the next book and do the same. She updates her comic every single weekday and she’s incredibly reliable, and that’s the kind of thing I’d like to do myself. She’s a real inspiration to me!
That’s what I’m planning on! After thinking about everything everyone has said, that seems to be the best way to go. I haven’t checked his vid out yet, but I know it will be awesome! I’ll definitely go and do that!! And I totally agree, planning helps out a lot, and makes things get done!
This is something I am also working on, and I feel I’m getting a bit better at it. I’ve said “no” to a couple of ill-fitting clients now, and my roommate is incredibly good at saying “no” to things, haha. So I’m kinda using her as an example; she can say no without sounding mean or condescending. I find it helps to find examples of these things in life, because we might not have had good ones growing up. My dad is still not great at telling people no, and he makes himself miserable doing everything for everyone else, and hardly any of them are ever truly grateful for it. They just take and take and take!
I also believe that! When you’re worrying about your health, life just gets that much harder and not fun. I have a lot of family who have passed away from illness, and most of the time it’s from either not exercising or drugs and stuff, so I’m going to try and avoid that fate, haha.
Omigosh, this must have taken you so long to write, thank you so much for putting so much thought into this! You are seriously the best :)
I’ve found that to perhaps be the most beneficial part of working a day job. When I’m left to my own devices I tend to waste time, but if I know my time is limited I’m much more proactive about using it wisely. Luckily my day job is one that I like. A few years ago I absolutely hated it and wanted to do anything BUT that, haha.
This is a thing that I’m trying to get drilled in my head! I keep thinking about how other people will perceive it, and I think that’s a curse that came from college. We had to consider our “audience” a lot, and I’ve just gotten that so screwed in that it’s taking time to unscrew. “Don’t write something your audience won’t understand.” Well, for school that was easy; the audience was the teacher! But writing/working on stuff for myself is something I just haven’t done a lot. So maybe I have to work on that stuff too?
I've also had a couple of people tell me this now, and I think it's beyond time I stop caring about what the rest of the world thinks :)
That it exactly what I’m starting to think now also. Smaller “test” projects before the big thing, to test out not only myself, but also to see if things work out. Thanks so much for mentioning this; I’ve been thinking of it all week!
Yesss!! I’m actually going to Japan in July! I’m so excited! Travel just opens so many doors, and while I have the day job and the capacity to travel, what with being a single person, I am definitely looking into all forms of it!
I am also working on this, and it seems to have helped. I’m able to control what I eat now, and I’m slowly working on getting into healthy food and avoiding the unhealthy. I’ve got some calorie counter devices too, and I need to start using them more than I do. I also just have to find the time to make the healthy stuff and to not be bored by it all, haha. Still working out different ways of cooking healthy on a very tight budget AND time constrictions. I’m also thinking of taking a spinning class at my old college, which is much cheaper than a regular gym, and working up from there :)
I’ve been working on this also! I’ve been able to make life simpler by saying no to a couple of big commitments now, and things worked out. And things that my family wanted me to do, which was very hard; I always try my best to make my family happy, because they've been through so much, but I think my saying no actually helped my brothers take responsibility for once instead of relying on me.
Still not great at it, but it’s getting better!
Hahaha, my roommate is really good at this; she’s a really good example for me in that respect. She’s able to say no so easily, and without seeming to be rude or anything. I’m learning a lot from her! She's been a very good example for me, and her family is very cool also.
My roommate is good at this too. She used to do the same thing, but now she’s very confident and unafraid of telling people what she thinks; and she’s never mean about it, though she is firm. I'm finding that her telling me exactly what she thinks just makes things simpler (she's really good at communicating and making things work for everyone) I’m trying to figure out how to break away from it too; I think it stems from the fact that I come from a very conservative American family background.
Or from never having my choices supported, I guess?
My mom had a lot of needs, since she was often sick, and worked nights. I would take care of my brothers in the mornings and that sort of thing. She basically had a college kid's job for her whole life; the kind where you work yourself to death for $4 an hour and tips (she's a bartender). I talked to a school therapist and she told me that my parents didn’t consider my needs because my mom was always needing to be cared for, so I had to adapt I suppose.
But things are getting better, now that I can live on my own :)
After reading your notes, I’m beginning to think freelance is something I should consider later on, when I’m more stable. I mean, you always hear about those people who leap into the unknown and are great success stories, but I like being able to eat and not stress. I mean, I have enough stress with my family stuff as it is, so balancing an incredibly stressful job with a stressful family is just not a good idea for me right now. I’ve done that before, and it nearly broke me. Do not recommend!
You know, this is something I didn’t realize until it happened. I wrote books all through the stress, and the books are nothing but darkness and angst no one wants to wallow in. It’s taken me a while to realize how this affected my work.
Also, I really do know how terrible the solitude is. For a while last year my family just refused to speak to me. My mom told me I’d betrayed her when I took my cousin’s side in an argument, and then she got baker acted after I had to break up a fist fight between the two of them and call the cops.
Baker Acting is when the police forcibly take someone into a mental health facility because they are a harm to themselves and/or others. She refused to come, so he actually arrested her. My mom suffers from severe bipolar-mania, and the last one was so bad that she was kinda hallucinating. She thought I was literally turning Japanese (because I love Japanese culture and my best friend is Japanese), and that I was seeing this mailman guy I'd never met.
After they got her meds straightened out at the mental health place, she told me she didn’t think I loved her. When I asked her if there was any way I could prove to her that I loved her (despite telling her every single night that I did) she said “I guess not.”
So I decided to try and live about an hour away from home with a friend to try and get some distance. I mean, there's only so much you can do at that point.... When someone tells you that nothing you can do can work, then, well. There's nothing you can do.
I would call home every day and my dad would tell me how my mom was refusing her meds and he would scream at her every night. He would say “This is what we have to deal with while you’re off in school.”
Then the living with my friend thing didn’t work out, I couldn't afford it working on $8 an hour, part time, and going to college, and I had to come back home, and it was just vitriol for a while. My mom would make sniping comments at me. My dad called her a "snake" once, because she would just hiss things at me under her breath.
And then there was silence. I think the silence was worse. It’s one thing to be alone, but when you’re alone in a house with 4 other people who all refuse to talk to you? When there are people there and there’s just a wall of silence? It's like a cage.
The only place where I could talk to anyone was on Facebook, or online, and I was frantic for any sort of positive attention; just to have someone to talk to. If anyone showed even the slightest kindness to me I would go out of my way to let them know I appreciated it, because at home I was a horrible bad person and nothing I could do was good enough.
Now I'm regretting it; lol. FB isn't a good place to be when you're in that kinda state.
Ah well. My roommate is really super awesome now, and I’m in a much better place than I was then. And my parents don’t sound annoyed when I speak to them anymore, so that’s good. I still call them every night. Hopefully one day they can forgive me for whatever it was I did wrong! I probably need a therapist to work all this stuff out, but that needs one thing I don't have either; time!
Anyway… apologies for the novel, and thank you all so much for your kind words! :) I really really appreciate it, and it’s helped me think of a lot of options and figure out where to go. And it’s taken a lot of stress off my shoulders!!
You guys are the greatest.
I’ve just been thinking and processing everyone’s words for the last few days (while also being very busy!) as I have to take time to let things settle in my head. It's just the way I function, haha. Curse of the introverts!
You have all been so kind here, and I really, really appreciate it :)
Quote:@Brush
I think you should follow your dream, though how I would start (when I actually get the skills needed) is keep a day job as some sort of backup. If your project starting to support you moneywise you could say I will downgrade my day job to lets say half or less since your main income will be from your project. As for health/sports you can make a schedule for that when you have your project going, I gues you will be free on that. Not sure if this makes any sense since I'm not in that position yet, but it's how I see it.
I totally agree with everything you said, and It made things seem much simpler in that light, haha. And working out a schedule is a good idea; I’d had one previously, but there were so many things I added to it (not focusing on one thing) that things just got wacked out and stressy. Focusing on one thing seems to be the way to go! Thank you so much~
Quote:@Adam
You're not happy with the kind of work you're getting because your portfolio is representing more what the clients want than what you want? I'd say work on your personal project. Forget client work for now. Or if can be more picky about the jobs you take. That way you will have periods where you turn down jobs and work on your personal stuff.
I totally agree. My portfolio is made of mostly client work, and though I always had fun doing it, it’s not exactly what I want to do forever, or what I find extremely satisfying. And I have begun to be much more picky about whose work I take on, and it’s really helping a lot. Thank you so much!! I think I'll definitely continue to be so, especially since I know how to work with normal jobs a bit more, haha.
Quote:@Neo
I agree with @Brush that you should follow your dream. We all are good at encouraging others to do it, and it's actually quite hard to do it yourself! But what can be more devastating than witnessing a dead dream?
You people are just so awesome :)
Quote:@Neo
Are you going to create a Kickstarter project?
I’m thinking of starting one a little down the line, after I’ve got some content to share. I have a lot of sketches, which I’m considering turning into a sketchbook, but we’ll see!
Minna Sundburg, one of the artists I follow, does a longform webcomic, and she basically lives off of the Kickstarter money for her books. She’ll get about 60,000 USD a year, and use some for the book, and the rest to live on. Then the next year she’ll compile the next book and do the same. She updates her comic every single weekday and she’s incredibly reliable, and that’s the kind of thing I’d like to do myself. She’s a real inspiration to me!
Quote:@Neo
Making plans for several months is useful, too. Have you watched Amit's video on smart goals? It helped me a lot. Even if you fail to perform some of your tasks, I'm sure you will achieve more than without well-defined goals limited in time.
That’s what I’m planning on! After thinking about everything everyone has said, that seems to be the best way to go. I haven’t checked his vid out yet, but I know it will be awesome! I’ll definitely go and do that!! And I totally agree, planning helps out a lot, and makes things get done!
Quote:@Neo
Sometimes you have to say "No" to your employees if they make you work objectively more than a normal person would without due compensation. To ask for a vacation when you really have to do something for your project. To ask for more money for performing good job if you are a freelancer. Or To say "No" to your friends and family, if your help or presence is not essential and you have to work in your dream.
This is something I am also working on, and I feel I’m getting a bit better at it. I’ve said “no” to a couple of ill-fitting clients now, and my roommate is incredibly good at saying “no” to things, haha. So I’m kinda using her as an example; she can say no without sounding mean or condescending. I find it helps to find examples of these things in life, because we might not have had good ones growing up. My dad is still not great at telling people no, and he makes himself miserable doing everything for everyone else, and hardly any of them are ever truly grateful for it. They just take and take and take!
Quote:@Neo
As for sport, I beleive that it's essential and heving a strong body will help you to make your mind stronger and to have power for following your dream.
I also believe that! When you’re worrying about your health, life just gets that much harder and not fun. I have a lot of family who have passed away from illness, and most of the time it’s from either not exercising or drugs and stuff, so I’m going to try and avoid that fate, haha.
Quote:@Amit
Omigosh, this must have taken you so long to write, thank you so much for putting so much thought into this! You are seriously the best :)
Quote:@Amit
Because you don't have a lot of free time, it is easier to be productive and not worry about money. You have a sort of weekly deadline that Work Monday will always come around.
I’ve found that to perhaps be the most beneficial part of working a day job. When I’m left to my own devices I tend to waste time, but if I know my time is limited I’m much more proactive about using it wisely. Luckily my day job is one that I like. A few years ago I absolutely hated it and wanted to do anything BUT that, haha.
Quote:@Amit
The worst thing you can do with a personal project is to sit on it and sit on it until it languishes for years and becomes a might have been. It's better to get it out, because there is no way of knowing if it will be "worth" anything or not, whether people will like it or not, but there is literally only one way to find out!
This is a thing that I’m trying to get drilled in my head! I keep thinking about how other people will perceive it, and I think that’s a curse that came from college. We had to consider our “audience” a lot, and I’ve just gotten that so screwed in that it’s taking time to unscrew. “Don’t write something your audience won’t understand.” Well, for school that was easy; the audience was the teacher! But writing/working on stuff for myself is something I just haven’t done a lot. So maybe I have to work on that stuff too?
I've also had a couple of people tell me this now, and I think it's beyond time I stop caring about what the rest of the world thinks :)
Quote:@Amit
I have always thought that doing a small stand-alone thing related to your larger project is a better idea than trying to go all in on something that might take years to finish.
So something like doing a 2 minute trailer for a movie that doesn't exist but that you want to make. That kinda thing
That it exactly what I’m starting to think now also. Smaller “test” projects before the big thing, to test out not only myself, but also to see if things work out. Thanks so much for mentioning this; I’ve been thinking of it all week!
Quote:@Amit
Travel is the best thing. DO IT.
Yesss!! I’m actually going to Japan in July! I’m so excited! Travel just opens so many doors, and while I have the day job and the capacity to travel, what with being a single person, I am definitely looking into all forms of it!
Quote:@Amit
I would say the biggest and easiest wins, will be in changing diet first.
I am also working on this, and it seems to have helped. I’m able to control what I eat now, and I’m slowly working on getting into healthy food and avoiding the unhealthy. I’ve got some calorie counter devices too, and I need to start using them more than I do. I also just have to find the time to make the healthy stuff and to not be bored by it all, haha. Still working out different ways of cooking healthy on a very tight budget AND time constrictions. I’m also thinking of taking a spinning class at my old college, which is much cheaper than a regular gym, and working up from there :)
Quote:@Amit
Saying "No" is a skill to learn and most importantly PRACTICE.
I’ve been working on this also! I’ve been able to make life simpler by saying no to a couple of big commitments now, and things worked out. And things that my family wanted me to do, which was very hard; I always try my best to make my family happy, because they've been through so much, but I think my saying no actually helped my brothers take responsibility for once instead of relying on me.
Still not great at it, but it’s getting better!
Quote:@Amit
I find that being incredibly direct but polite and respectful works. People will understand the vast majority of the time, and if they don't then they are the assholes, and they don'tdeserve your help.
Hahaha, my roommate is really good at this; she’s a really good example for me in that respect. She’s able to say no so easily, and without seeming to be rude or anything. I’m learning a lot from her! She's been a very good example for me, and her family is very cool also.
Quote:@Amit
I think it would be a good idea to do some deep introspection on why you might be linking your self-worth to other people's opinions of you. Unlinking that is the key. Not an easy thing to do....I know, but all it takes is a true deep realisation that you are doing it to start making a change.
My roommate is good at this too. She used to do the same thing, but now she’s very confident and unafraid of telling people what she thinks; and she’s never mean about it, though she is firm. I'm finding that her telling me exactly what she thinks just makes things simpler (she's really good at communicating and making things work for everyone) I’m trying to figure out how to break away from it too; I think it stems from the fact that I come from a very conservative American family background.
Or from never having my choices supported, I guess?
My mom had a lot of needs, since she was often sick, and worked nights. I would take care of my brothers in the mornings and that sort of thing. She basically had a college kid's job for her whole life; the kind where you work yourself to death for $4 an hour and tips (she's a bartender). I talked to a school therapist and she told me that my parents didn’t consider my needs because my mom was always needing to be cared for, so I had to adapt I suppose.
But things are getting better, now that I can live on my own :)
Quote:@Amit
A bit about freelance fulltime.
After reading your notes, I’m beginning to think freelance is something I should consider later on, when I’m more stable. I mean, you always hear about those people who leap into the unknown and are great success stories, but I like being able to eat and not stress. I mean, I have enough stress with my family stuff as it is, so balancing an incredibly stressful job with a stressful family is just not a good idea for me right now. I’ve done that before, and it nearly broke me. Do not recommend!
Quote:@Amit
The solitude can be incredibly difficult and damaging to you. After a full week of stressing about money and finding work and rushing to deadlines, you have to then put yourself into a creative and positive space for your own personal project work.
You know, this is something I didn’t realize until it happened. I wrote books all through the stress, and the books are nothing but darkness and angst no one wants to wallow in. It’s taken me a while to realize how this affected my work.
Also, I really do know how terrible the solitude is. For a while last year my family just refused to speak to me. My mom told me I’d betrayed her when I took my cousin’s side in an argument, and then she got baker acted after I had to break up a fist fight between the two of them and call the cops.
Baker Acting is when the police forcibly take someone into a mental health facility because they are a harm to themselves and/or others. She refused to come, so he actually arrested her. My mom suffers from severe bipolar-mania, and the last one was so bad that she was kinda hallucinating. She thought I was literally turning Japanese (because I love Japanese culture and my best friend is Japanese), and that I was seeing this mailman guy I'd never met.
After they got her meds straightened out at the mental health place, she told me she didn’t think I loved her. When I asked her if there was any way I could prove to her that I loved her (despite telling her every single night that I did) she said “I guess not.”
So I decided to try and live about an hour away from home with a friend to try and get some distance. I mean, there's only so much you can do at that point.... When someone tells you that nothing you can do can work, then, well. There's nothing you can do.
I would call home every day and my dad would tell me how my mom was refusing her meds and he would scream at her every night. He would say “This is what we have to deal with while you’re off in school.”
Then the living with my friend thing didn’t work out, I couldn't afford it working on $8 an hour, part time, and going to college, and I had to come back home, and it was just vitriol for a while. My mom would make sniping comments at me. My dad called her a "snake" once, because she would just hiss things at me under her breath.
And then there was silence. I think the silence was worse. It’s one thing to be alone, but when you’re alone in a house with 4 other people who all refuse to talk to you? When there are people there and there’s just a wall of silence? It's like a cage.
The only place where I could talk to anyone was on Facebook, or online, and I was frantic for any sort of positive attention; just to have someone to talk to. If anyone showed even the slightest kindness to me I would go out of my way to let them know I appreciated it, because at home I was a horrible bad person and nothing I could do was good enough.
Now I'm regretting it; lol. FB isn't a good place to be when you're in that kinda state.
Ah well. My roommate is really super awesome now, and I’m in a much better place than I was then. And my parents don’t sound annoyed when I speak to them anymore, so that’s good. I still call them every night. Hopefully one day they can forgive me for whatever it was I did wrong! I probably need a therapist to work all this stuff out, but that needs one thing I don't have either; time!
Anyway… apologies for the novel, and thank you all so much for your kind words! :) I really really appreciate it, and it’s helped me think of a lot of options and figure out where to go. And it’s taken a lot of stress off my shoulders!!
You guys are the greatest.