04-18-2013, 06:10 PM
@YOLO: Thanks man...working on the full synopsis as I type, hope to have it up soon.
@ GANGSTA: Alrighty, so first impressions are that not a lot actually happens in the first two pages. Over half of the area is spent with Beau chasing a piece of paper. And that is fine in itself but each panel is arranged quite similarly to the others. For example 3 and 4 on first page look pretty much the same in orientation. 1 and 2 on page two look pretty much the same as well, and the viewpoint is very similar to that of the previous. I guess it might look a bit less interesting visually because of the repetition.
I noticed in the other layouts that you showed me before also, that in general you use up a lot of space per panel. You usually have no more than 4 panels sometimes less per page. I know there shouldn't be a formula but I guess it would be easier to finish each panel with economy and get more story in per page unless it's really needed to showcase a lot of detail. Again not a formula, but I guess it's thinking about the space you use with a very specific purpose.
Looking back at the script I noticed you mentioned something about a storm and being pulled back into a bunker, but i don't really see that in the layout. It's pretty rough though so you might have got it in there and I just can't see it.
A suggestion to think about is if you arranged panel space so most of the action goes down on the first page (like a series of thinner or smaller panels at the bottom showing Beau chasing the paper thereby establishing the environs a bit better by the stuff he passes as he runs). Then you could do the next page with him being pulled into the bunker and maybe a nice large 3/4 panel or full page establishing shot of the inside of the bunker with the title overlaid. With a title that large, on an establishing panel when reading I notice I tend to pause and have a good look around especially if it is a detailed piece to get cues of the story to come and set context. It could work in this case. Anyway just something to think about.
I'd also suggest that if you have the dialogue figured out, make space for it but take the extra step and go to the trouble of arranging it where it would be on the page. As you have it now, all your text is at the top of each panel and really large...is that where it will actually end up being? I guess what I'm saying is spend some time and really use the layout to really work out those problems up front or you'll just end up having to figure out more later.
That's lot of crit and you may have stuff figured out in your head, but it's hard to know when this is all we see. Hope that's useful?
@ GANGSTA: Alrighty, so first impressions are that not a lot actually happens in the first two pages. Over half of the area is spent with Beau chasing a piece of paper. And that is fine in itself but each panel is arranged quite similarly to the others. For example 3 and 4 on first page look pretty much the same in orientation. 1 and 2 on page two look pretty much the same as well, and the viewpoint is very similar to that of the previous. I guess it might look a bit less interesting visually because of the repetition.
I noticed in the other layouts that you showed me before also, that in general you use up a lot of space per panel. You usually have no more than 4 panels sometimes less per page. I know there shouldn't be a formula but I guess it would be easier to finish each panel with economy and get more story in per page unless it's really needed to showcase a lot of detail. Again not a formula, but I guess it's thinking about the space you use with a very specific purpose.
Looking back at the script I noticed you mentioned something about a storm and being pulled back into a bunker, but i don't really see that in the layout. It's pretty rough though so you might have got it in there and I just can't see it.
A suggestion to think about is if you arranged panel space so most of the action goes down on the first page (like a series of thinner or smaller panels at the bottom showing Beau chasing the paper thereby establishing the environs a bit better by the stuff he passes as he runs). Then you could do the next page with him being pulled into the bunker and maybe a nice large 3/4 panel or full page establishing shot of the inside of the bunker with the title overlaid. With a title that large, on an establishing panel when reading I notice I tend to pause and have a good look around especially if it is a detailed piece to get cues of the story to come and set context. It could work in this case. Anyway just something to think about.
I'd also suggest that if you have the dialogue figured out, make space for it but take the extra step and go to the trouble of arranging it where it would be on the page. As you have it now, all your text is at the top of each panel and really large...is that where it will actually end up being? I guess what I'm saying is spend some time and really use the layout to really work out those problems up front or you'll just end up having to figure out more later.
That's lot of crit and you may have stuff figured out in your head, but it's hard to know when this is all we see. Hope that's useful?