Toxicpanda's Death Note
Been awhile. I guess this forum thread has become my very lazy diary. It seems I jump in here once a year or so. 2020 has been hard with all the covid stuff, but also we had two big earthquakes few months apart- one made me move three times. 

I deleted all my social media except for artstation (and deviantart- it's more like an archive). Not sure if I'm going to post stuff on artstation so I might delete it too  but I keep it mostly because I buy brushes from marketplace. I always felt pressured and felt like an outsider on social media. So many people engage with their followers or post pretty pictures, beautiful renders. It all felt so fake, and at the same time negative. Sometimes I felt bad for not answering on posts or not giving the same attention to someone who is liking all my posts. Just spending time scrolling or reading things made me depressed and I removed it . Some people even sent me messages that they will unfollow me if I don't post new things. What has this world come to. I also didn't really talk with anyone there, so the need to have social media was gone, and I deleted everything in 5min and felt nothing.
After the project came out that I worked on for few years and quit - I didn't feel like posting all those sculpts and concepts, even though I was always excited to finally show them. As the time passed I didn't like them anymore.
So I might jump in on this forum again sometimes. Hopefully not next year again.

Oh and almost two year answer @Leo Ki - one piece- I created brush set that just extracted those shells out.

Here are some stuff - I don't do much personal things mostly because I started working all day on my studio job from home since covid kicked in. 

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CD dA FM  MaL
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:( sounds like you've had a tough year. These sculpts and concepts look great though. Very professional looking work.

I feel the same as you about social media. I got rid of most of it, but I feel like i still need to be on Instagram. I hate posting, honestly, though I never had much of a following anyway. And people that I know that generate most of their revenue from posting on Insta, their main concern is how many thousand people saw their post compared to the last one, and how many likes it got, did it gain followers etc. etc. That really is kind of a depressing way to operate.

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(03-31-2021, 08:50 AM)JosephCow Wrote: :( sounds like you've had a tough year. These sculpts and concepts look great though. Very professional looking work.

I feel the same as you about social media. I got rid of most of it, but I feel like i still need to be on Instagram. I hate posting, honestly, though I never had much of a following anyway. And people that I know that generate most of their revenue from posting on Insta, their main concern is how many thousand people saw their post compared to the last one, and how many likes it got, did it gain followers etc. etc. That really is kind of a depressing way to operate.
Thank you ! 
Instagram is a place to be for most artists, it can be nice if you surround yourself with people you enjoy following and overall comments are much nicer than on twitter or facebook. But instagram is like you said very fake- I've seen number or artists creating the same type of work over and over again just because it usually gets tons of likes. And you can see in their work that they don't enjoy making it, it looks plastic, soulless.

CD dA FM  MaL
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Quote: It all felt so fake, and at the same time negative.
My message isn’t about your art. It looks great really but I wanted to mention this above.

I feel 10000000000000% the same way. Is that enough zeroes for you? I felt a pulling in my heart when I read your message “You’re not alone!”. I don’t think there’s anything “social” about social media, or at the very least, not from an authentic human relationship point of view. It’s essentially a veneer of sociability which barely conceals a thriving business.

Everyone is always happy and smiling, no one ever has any problems, everything is always great, wonderful, unicorns and rainbows. There’s only so much conceit one can take and I too, got rid of everything. I think the desire for authenticity is in itself healthy. I didn’t want to deal with the business of views, likes, re-tweets etc... I said a categoric NO to all of it. There’s something vile at begging for likes and trying to find ways to leech likes out of people. I’ve felt so serene since I’m off it.

I don’t want to bore you so I’ll stop here. I see your dislike of social media as an awakening of sorts.
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Hey Toxicpanda, after seeing your latest post I decided to scroll through your sketchbook and I am really impressed how much you improved over the time. I really like your style and your ideas. The one with the giant eye and diver almost looks like an idea I had but could not really sketch out back then, love it!

Sorry that you had a bad experience on social media. I always feel like if I like or comment on something I do it because I want to show appreciation and not because I have the expectation of reciprocation. If it was like that, I would agree that it does not feel sincere.

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I spy a panda~

I'm really glad to see you still updating your sketchbook here, even if it's once a year :')
As you said- social media can become what you make of it- either share to the world for the sake of sharing or for your friends while others become extra "eyes".

It's easy to fall into the pit of trends- trying to be consistent with pieces that eventually suck the soul out of you. I think everyone who's not as 'popular' gets to that stage at some point.

That being said- I love that dramatic lit doggo- the best boi !! <3

Hope to see more work from you in a year or so~ :))

Shin's Sketchbook ▼ ▼ ▼Patreon ▼ ▼ ▼ dArt
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Hey panda, 

after reading your last post I felt like Zizka. I feeeeeeeel you to 1000000000% about your social media opinion. 
Just wanted to say your not alone with this. 

Your art is amazing and I want to see more of it!
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I feel you with your experiences on social media so much. I once enjoyed sharing art with people a lot there, too, but now it's insanely stressful to even open it and even more when you share work on it. Especially because nobody sees your work anymore, when you are a nobody in there. It's tough to just get out of that pit and even more so to interact and connect with on a genuine level - like you said.

However, I think your recent 3d work looks really amazing! I admire your skilllevel and how fast it grew since the last time you've posted something here. You can be really proud of that and all the hard work that went into the journey of getting there. I hope things get better for you soon and you can settle and see the value in your work again soon. And take pride and joy in it, too. I wish you all the best and hope to see you around more often soon - if your time and mood allows it! :)
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