11-29-2015, 04:35 PM
""-Quick update:
Current thoughts:
It's that time again.
Over the course of 2 years, I've been struggling with my art. Obviously. But not just on the surface.
A little personal history. Here's what I consider to be the meaning behind the phrase "it's that time again" :
Chasing 'perfection' is destructive. When I started my art odyssey in 2013, I never realised just how much of a psychological battle it would be. I set out to "paint anything and everything". Which I later changed to " draw anything and everything", a more fitting goal, seeing as painting (as in, realistic painting), isn't me. I naively thought that: if I could paint anything, so long as its realistic and technically brilliant, I would get all the jobs and life would be easy.
However, the more and more I painted as such - the more and more this... feeling... this... muck grew in the back of my mind.
Until it takes over and makes me question: "what aM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?" aka "why aren't I enjoying art?".
When I question myself as such, I take time off...line. I research, I may draw for myself, but most of all - I stay away from the internet because everything becomes overwhelming.
Indeed, regrettably I haven't been active on the forums in any way, including CD Hangouts (my new found love)... but when the muck claims its territory in my mind, I know its when things need to change, otherwise I'll burn out and won't want to draw for the longest time, because obviously, I'm not doing something right if I'm not having fun.
Now, what I have learned from this round of "ITTAR" (read: its-that-time-again-research)? Once again, I'm a pussy. I want people to like what I make, even if I don't like what I make. I have been and am still in denial. "Oh no, it's fine" I tell myself. "Realism is how you get jobs, girl. Just gotta git gud! - Dave and Dan did it, so did Alex Negrea and John Silva... why it's the Crimson Dagger wayyyy!!"
But that only applies if the individual actually enjoys painting realistically.
Since it began, I've been following the Tumblr blog "dearartdirector" religiously. It's a truly magnificent creation and I can't thank the AD's enough for taking the time to answer so many questions in the limited time they have. I've learned so much from the blog, especially in terms of the style debate. They speak about illustrators marketing themselves and how their unique style is incredibly important and influential in the industry. Now, I of course, already knew about this. Heck, I have written about this numerous time before... but the difference is, I'm not afraid anymore. In the past, when I spoke about this topic, it was only on the surface. Kind of like a reminder to myself - and then I would go back to drawing and painting realistically (or attempting to etc) and getting no satisfaction from what I had created.
As I'm writing this, I can't help but think again - "what's the point?"
We're all struggling to be artist's. But why make the struggle even harder when you're not doing the art for yourself?
I look around and I see artist's portfolios. The way II see it, a portfolio should describe who the artist is in every single piece. There should be a consistency. It should flow. Sure, I've heard and read many a "what makes a good portfolio" article or whatever in my time as an aspiring artist, - but only now are all of these things clicking.
I, after almost 2 years of studying art, still unashamedly do not have a portfolio made.
Everyone else who's been studying art seems to have one made, yet I don't. The main reason being: I didn't know who I was as an artist... I still... don't. But I understand a lot better than I ever could have back when I started out.
In the end, as I mentioned before: a portfolio should describe the artist. What they stand for. Who they are. You're selling yourself and your brand after all, so what's the point in creating a body of work that is a lesser version of what you believe in, because you're too much of a pussy to chase what you truly want to create?
This is a conflict I face periodically. When the clock strikes "that time again" I wanna be prepared... I wanna annihilate the very idea behind that phrase.
Because it shouldn't even exist.
I sketched around yesterday before bed and this came out:
It doesn't look like much for what it is, but it means a lot. You know when things just come to you? And you enter a state of flow when you're drawing? That's what this was. I was sketching... and I was just going for it, I was spewing ideas by the end of it... which I saved on a separate file because they were downright interesting in my eyes and I want to take them further in the future.
But they were sparked by these quick freehand drawings.
I stayed up til 2:40AM last night drawing on my cinteech and in my sketchbook, a rare feat for drawing. Which goes to show just how wrong I've been doing it. Drawing and doing art should always feel like that. It should get addictive... it should feel like it did as you were a child, as Bobby Chiu said - take a step back and draw for that inner child.
This is me getting a whole lot of pent up, sent up, vent up happening. Getting a whole lot of the muck out from my mind and pushing toward a personal voice in my art that I can and want to stand by.
To anyone who finds this and actually bothers reading it, sorry lol. It was intended as a means of clearing my head to getting back to speed with things. I guess you could compare it to cleaning your PC from a bunch of useless space-wasting junk to enhance it's performance. Haha, I don't know.
Here's to discovery-!
smrr out. o/
Current thoughts:
It's that time again.
Over the course of 2 years, I've been struggling with my art. Obviously. But not just on the surface.
A little personal history. Here's what I consider to be the meaning behind the phrase "it's that time again" :
Chasing 'perfection' is destructive. When I started my art odyssey in 2013, I never realised just how much of a psychological battle it would be. I set out to "paint anything and everything". Which I later changed to " draw anything and everything", a more fitting goal, seeing as painting (as in, realistic painting), isn't me. I naively thought that: if I could paint anything, so long as its realistic and technically brilliant, I would get all the jobs and life would be easy.
However, the more and more I painted as such - the more and more this... feeling... this... muck grew in the back of my mind.
Until it takes over and makes me question: "what aM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?" aka "why aren't I enjoying art?".
When I question myself as such, I take time off...line. I research, I may draw for myself, but most of all - I stay away from the internet because everything becomes overwhelming.
Indeed, regrettably I haven't been active on the forums in any way, including CD Hangouts (my new found love)... but when the muck claims its territory in my mind, I know its when things need to change, otherwise I'll burn out and won't want to draw for the longest time, because obviously, I'm not doing something right if I'm not having fun.
Now, what I have learned from this round of "ITTAR" (read: its-that-time-again-research)? Once again, I'm a pussy. I want people to like what I make, even if I don't like what I make. I have been and am still in denial. "Oh no, it's fine" I tell myself. "Realism is how you get jobs, girl. Just gotta git gud! - Dave and Dan did it, so did Alex Negrea and John Silva... why it's the Crimson Dagger wayyyy!!"
But that only applies if the individual actually enjoys painting realistically.
Since it began, I've been following the Tumblr blog "dearartdirector" religiously. It's a truly magnificent creation and I can't thank the AD's enough for taking the time to answer so many questions in the limited time they have. I've learned so much from the blog, especially in terms of the style debate. They speak about illustrators marketing themselves and how their unique style is incredibly important and influential in the industry. Now, I of course, already knew about this. Heck, I have written about this numerous time before... but the difference is, I'm not afraid anymore. In the past, when I spoke about this topic, it was only on the surface. Kind of like a reminder to myself - and then I would go back to drawing and painting realistically (or attempting to etc) and getting no satisfaction from what I had created.
As I'm writing this, I can't help but think again - "what's the point?"
We're all struggling to be artist's. But why make the struggle even harder when you're not doing the art for yourself?
I look around and I see artist's portfolios. The way II see it, a portfolio should describe who the artist is in every single piece. There should be a consistency. It should flow. Sure, I've heard and read many a "what makes a good portfolio" article or whatever in my time as an aspiring artist, - but only now are all of these things clicking.
I, after almost 2 years of studying art, still unashamedly do not have a portfolio made.
Everyone else who's been studying art seems to have one made, yet I don't. The main reason being: I didn't know who I was as an artist... I still... don't. But I understand a lot better than I ever could have back when I started out.
In the end, as I mentioned before: a portfolio should describe the artist. What they stand for. Who they are. You're selling yourself and your brand after all, so what's the point in creating a body of work that is a lesser version of what you believe in, because you're too much of a pussy to chase what you truly want to create?
This is a conflict I face periodically. When the clock strikes "that time again" I wanna be prepared... I wanna annihilate the very idea behind that phrase.
Because it shouldn't even exist.
I sketched around yesterday before bed and this came out:
It doesn't look like much for what it is, but it means a lot. You know when things just come to you? And you enter a state of flow when you're drawing? That's what this was. I was sketching... and I was just going for it, I was spewing ideas by the end of it... which I saved on a separate file because they were downright interesting in my eyes and I want to take them further in the future.
But they were sparked by these quick freehand drawings.
I stayed up til 2:40AM last night drawing on my cinteech and in my sketchbook, a rare feat for drawing. Which goes to show just how wrong I've been doing it. Drawing and doing art should always feel like that. It should get addictive... it should feel like it did as you were a child, as Bobby Chiu said - take a step back and draw for that inner child.
This is me getting a whole lot of pent up, sent up, vent up happening. Getting a whole lot of the muck out from my mind and pushing toward a personal voice in my art that I can and want to stand by.
To anyone who finds this and actually bothers reading it, sorry lol. It was intended as a means of clearing my head to getting back to speed with things. I guess you could compare it to cleaning your PC from a bunch of useless space-wasting junk to enhance it's performance. Haha, I don't know.
Here's to discovery-!
smrr out. o/