Fedodika the Koala

[Fedodika]

Neo: Thanks, yea the things I posted yesterday are really sloppy for sure. I'm really struggling to correct these things, but I am optimistic! I tried your suggestion of doing some line weight on things, and it's definitely tough, hmm, but I can see how it can be better.

Sooo, drew 500 or so sphere's today, with like interlocking discs inside of them. on the second picture, the ones on the top right are the first ones I did, and the bottom right are the last few of the 500. Obviously the lines are still a bit hairy, but they are leagues above what I was doing initially. 

I really wished I would have taken seriously this stuff early on, probably would have saved me about 2 years of wasted time. I probably could have been working at least on some low tier gigs instead of maybe getting some scraps of money every month. two whole years man... that's what it feels like. 2 whole years of doing the wrong guitar exercises, learning from bad sheet music. doing it all wrong. People telling you you're doing it wrong but you don't listen because you only want to hear that you're getting better. I just wanna cry...

I knew this guy from my old Sycra Forum days named Matthias Kenniegkiet or something like that. He had a very structured analyitical approach, very Hampton esque, and he started getting jobs like not even a year and a half into his studies. Just doing straight lines and stuff, his stuff looked very... solid? Not very interesting, but employable. blah blah. I looked up his stuff can't find it of course, because I can't spell his name right, but he was great in an (employable) sense. 

So much like, personal struggle could have been avoided, because there could have been a clear path. Yea, your boxes look wrong, that's so much clearer of a fix than, "you need to 'study' a lot more."

It's easy to see how a box could be drawn better, or a circle. and it's stupid how all that translates into everything you do. I'm so analytical it hurts. I wish the way I went was the right way, but it wasn't. It was a waste of time. nobody likes skewed drawings, no matter how energetically you do them. People like structure, for some reason. I wished I could change that, but that's impossible to do. I hate how things are because I can't make them fit my reality. So I'll take responsibility, because that's all you can really do. 

It really sucks this huge ugly spiral you have to go through if you reject the fundamentals. It's like I was too arrogant to do what really was important. That's what it feels like. You think art is a place you can cut up in and be a rebel, but not in this particular field. Maybe if you're a hell of a salesman and can sell complete bullshit as being deep or whatever it could work but not in the real field. 

If I ever get anywhere, with this or ever get to do some sort of talks or lectures on art through Imagine FX or something like that, I guarantee you a huge heap of cynicism about what is "employable" is gonna seep in their. Call it entitled or whatever, I don't care. I'm past that. I will kick something's ass, but it won't be any particular person, more like a metaphysical concept. Spite and revenge have always been a fuel for me, I hope I never run out.