06-13-2016, 05:32 AM
Awesome Neo! Looks great ^^ funny story and the inking looks really charming, with a great minimal hand drawn look - which is quite difficult to pull off I think! I know it's finished but I'll give you my critique anyway:
The only thing I would say, and it's a personal thing that's all, is that panel 7 doesn't feel too necessary, I think you could've skipped that one and gone straight to him punching the name into his phone then perhaps added an extra frame after the "No time to explain, write this down" one where he starts to tell Jim the story, since the jump to the frame where he says "the end" seems too sudden. That's just my opinion though, I think it's really great as it is anyway : )
The only thing I would say, and it's a personal thing that's all, is that panel 7 doesn't feel too necessary, I think you could've skipped that one and gone straight to him punching the name into his phone then perhaps added an extra frame after the "No time to explain, write this down" one where he starts to tell Jim the story, since the jump to the frame where he says "the end" seems too sudden. That's just my opinion though, I think it's really great as it is anyway : )