06-13-2016, 05:47 AM
(06-13-2016, 05:40 AM)JyonnyNovice Wrote: Great start! I love how your characters are looking already! I like the way your story is going but it feels like it's not quite a punchline yet, like there could be some kind of twist, or messing with the readers expectations. Just a couple thoughts anyway - and admittedly I don't know if 'corpulent wiener' has some kind of innuendo meaning in USA or something that I'm missing, so maybe it's already fine ^^ Looking forward to seeing this one develop ^^
Thanks Jyonny, appreciate the feedback. Yeh, I agree with the punchline. still working on it :/ Yeh I wasn't sure on the whole corpulent wiener thing as well, haha. It could be taken ether way I guess. I will just do some more research on it. I could always change it slightly. but thanks for the feedback!