Knight's sketchbook

[Dominicque]

@Dominicque

That's the different between an 'intuitive' artist and an 'analytical' one. I do feel I missed the boat being the first, because I was a teenager too obsessed with 'copyright', internet dogpiles and getting good enough to draw what I want and hopefully financially support my family. (snip) I already think I suck, if someone points out something wrong, it just confirms what I already believe about myself.

We've threaded similar paths, I think I've just ran out of fucks to give. I don't look at circlejerks, and with all I've been through in the last years, am more than ready to yeet mean assholes directly into the Sun. People in my life need me, I don't have time to give to walking emotional blackholes.

That doesn't mean I'm not a brutal critic of myself, but understanding where the upset and the challenges come from has been helping a lot. I'm still self-conscious and skittish about things I'm "supposed" to master, like figure, since I've been doing pro character work for quite a while.

if I just had more confidence I could have been where he is.

It wasn't the right time for you then. People have different personalities and are raised in settings that cultivate different traits. Someone like Milles seems to have had some inherent confidence + access to resources and plenty support from a young age. Yes, he's impressive, but he also had opportunities we hadn't, or weren't prepared to take advantage of at the time.

I'm not the same person I was few years ago. I wasn't ready then. I might be now, and getting to this point isn't a waste of time because this was the time it took for me to experience what made me myself today. I'm not a timelord, and I suspect you're not one either, so don't blame yourself for having no control over the order and speed of events that led you to today.

I assume it wasn't just getting used to the medium again, but also how long you allowed yourself to spend on each drawing. I always thought to myself, 'Why spend hours rendering out a piece if my end goal is not to be a realist artist?'.

Yep. Time fixes it all. I often fumble in the middle of a drawing, then recover. It's so common I've learned to trust the process.

I always thought to myself, 'Why spend hours rendering out a piece if my end goal is not to be a realist artist?'.

If it's of any help, knowing why things look like they look will let you deliberately tamper with them, aka stylize. You don't need to master realistic painting, just get a grasp on it to twist it your way. And you don't need to lvl it all way up, you can always pick it up later again for further study if needed.

I think that's why when it comes to laying out the initial shapes I'm fine, but when it gets into the rendering stage I get bored, frustrated, or anxiety kicks in because I think I should be doing something else. Colouring and rendering detail is not a strong suit of mine, because I have very low mileage in that arena.

It sounds as if you've developed some aversion to it. Have you tried going small? Painting something that will make you happy but is self-contained, which won't take as much time and planning as full illustrations, so you get used to the act of painting?

look up refs that align with that. Just need to work on believing the work is all still mine, even if I consulted references or other artists work to get it to a more finished stage.

Hold on a moment! Never let someone, even you yourself, tell you references are cheating, that they make the work any less yours.

You've probably have seen Ophelia by John Everett Millais before. Have you ever head about its creation?



He did it in two stages, first landscape then Ophelia. For the landscape he travelled to the banks of the Hogsmill River and painted 11 hours a day, six days a week, over a five-month period.

Ophelia was modelled by Elizabeth Siddal, an artist in her own right. She was nineteen at the time. She spent five months in a bathtub. Once, the oil lamps he set up to warm the water went out and she came down with pneumonia.

The great artists of ye olden times used reference, and a lot. I bet they'd be happy to avoid being stuck in a riverbank being devoured alive by insects or catching near fatal illnesses. Fine, contemporary artists work differently, like Norman Rockwell, you know, the illustrator, he didn't—




Nevermind. ;D

If their work isn't any less theirs when they had people modelling specifically for them down to the fold of the fabric of their outfits, why would yours be not yours just due references? Shush this bugbear, it doesn't know what it's talking about.

I guess I shouldn't shame people that like my work and give me compliments, then lol.

I'm grateful most of my work interactions are online. I have no idea how to react to compliments. Then there's the believing them. I accept they mean it, but it can be hard to sink in. I'm always with that impostor syndrome sensation like I just fooled them with the pretty colors so they don't see the weaknesses.

'Shade in circles blend values'. Noted, I assume with light pressure, at first.

Yes, very light. The lightest values were the first thing I've learned, before that I was struggling because I only had two settings: dark lines and blank paper.

About the motion, it's circular but adapted to the area I'm rendering. Eg if it's a narrow area I'll do something oval.

When I see accusation I roll my eyes, but I can't lie the thought of getting dragged into drama makes me uneasy. I would love to cultivate your IDGAF attitude. I need thicker armour. NGL, seeing a pro like you still have areas that they lack confidence on her calming me down. I also think I need to know virtually everything in order to start making money with art, and that concept art (especially) doesn't let you 'work on the job' and develop as you go. Yeah, pretty sure Miles didn't have mental health issues plaguing him from his tween years, and I hear through the grapevine his mother is an artist. People bring up child prodigies, not considering there extern environment, etc. I have definitely improved my mentality, at least I'm drawing using reference now. Wouldn't have dared do that even four years ago.
I'm drawing 'studies' right now and an deliberately trying to slow down and focus on rendering. It's comforting to know yours paid off. 

Ah, you might be on to something regarding 'aversion'. Putting down shape and portions is fine, sometimes fun, but I can't render the want I want and it gets me upset and doubtful, so I'll try and break it down. If I end up doing something I like it ends up feeling like a fluke. I didn't know Ophelia took that long! I guess, because we only see the final image, we really don't know what it's like behind the scenes. It is OK to do things in stages. Yeah, I've got a hold spiel about my fear of 'plagiarism' in my first post. Using my own refs are fine, it's just when it comes to others. Even stocks images for artists make me nervous to use, but I'm working on it. 
When people give my art compliments, I just think they are normies that don't know what they are talking about. Must be that imposter syndrome thing. Your work is lovely though! And, it's always nice to see you practice and level up.

Great, noted. 'before that I was struggling because I only had two settings: dark lines and blank paper.' I've noticed my lines end up being too dark to blend into a gradient, so I'll either need to sketch lighter or draw then rub out. I wanna draw contemporary illustration, so am trying to render out some ideas using pencils. I'll keep your tips in mind when it comes to laying down the pencil work. I always think I need to post only when it's finished, but I may post in stages. Thanks a lot!