CC4 Probability Game
#1
Heeeey, so I'm jumping in on the action a bit late, but I might be able to finish something for CC4. I have zero experience with sequential art - I'm finding this really hard! I'll show you what I've got so far.

Story: Romance, starring two characters that feature in an ongoing project that I'm currently writing and illustrating. RUTH is a bit of a player. She likes the ladies, and she's very charismatic. She's an army doctor and physician to the king and she likes to test her combat skills in the ring, usually against massive bulky men. ARGRET is pious and prudish, exceptionally amiable, strong-willed, and compassionate. She's the figurehead of a provincial cult that visits the king's court. The two women clash at first because they have very different opinions on pretty much everything. But when RUTH ends up showing ARGRET her more vulnerable side (and vice versa, actually) they begin to admit that they're attracted to each other. 

[Side note: this all takes place in a kind of fantasy medieval setting in which being gay isn't considered an issue or a big deal- if it's an issue to you, as a reader, then please keep your thoughts to yourself, no need to start the drama :) ]


TL;DR: Ruth is a player. But she and Argret get together when Ruth shows her vulnerable side.

Script:

PANEL ONE: [Narration, ARGRET] 'She played women like a probability game - ' - Panel shows RUTH and A WOMAN backed against a wall, both with lustful expressions.

PANEL TWO: [Narration, ARGRET] 'knew how to double her chances with a winning smile,' - Panel shows RUTH smiling

PANEL THREE: [Narration, ARGRET] 'excelled at medicine, and never forgot to remind the ladies of her 'intimate knowledge' of the human body,' - Panel shows RUTH working on a patient

PANEL FOUR: [Narration, ARGRET] 'and knew that conquests in the ring led to a winning streak in romance.' Panel shows RUTH with a COMBATANT, and she has him in a headlock. If possible, show that they are in a ring and that there is an audience spectating, including women.

PANEL FIVE: [Narration, ARGRET] 'But one night she showed me her vulnerability, the doubts she showed nobody else...' [new section] 'and we realised the one thing we hadn't counted on...' Panel shows RUTH, in a bath, her wounds being tended to by ARGRET. RUTH has pained expression, possibly from wounds, but with the suggestion that she is also confessing her doubts about herself.

PANEL SIX: [Narration, ARGRET] 'Inevitability.' Panel shows RUTH and ARGRET about to kiss.



Photo Studies, in preparation for ARGRET:



From imagination, trying to nailing down RUTH's look and expressions:



Rough Layout:



Slightly More Refined:



Note to self: Probably need to give the last two panels more space - penultimate panel needs to convey a few things, has lots of text, and at the moment doesn't look like it has enough room to do what it needs to do.

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#2
is this about a fighter and her medical aid/coach ?
Perhaps things will become clearer when the art develops, but yeah I am having a little bit of trouble following. I like that it is a small snapshot of what could be a wider story but it feels self contained though, so good job on that, and keep it going!!

*Edit. I didn't read your backstory first on purpose, to see if the story on the page itself was self contained without any explanation. I see now what the story is...and I got it sort of right but also wrong, which to me indicates a bit of work to be done on making things clearer on page I guess.

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#3
(06-20-2016, 01:48 PM)Amit Dutta Wrote: is this about a fighter and her medical aid/coach ?
Perhaps things will become clearer when the art develops, but yeah I am having a little bit of trouble following. I like that it is a small snapshot of what could be a wider story but it feels self contained though, so good job on that, and keep it going!!

*Edit.  I didn't read your backstory first on purpose, to see if the story on the page itself was self contained without any explanation.  I see now what the story is...and I got it sort of right but also wrong, which to me indicates a bit of work to be done on making things clearer on page I guess.

Thanks Amit! It's really useful to know how it's reading. I've just now made (very) minor edits to the text and I'm hoping that when the panels are properly drawn that it will become a bit clearer (ie, you thought that the doctor and the fighter were different people? So I'm hoping that having the face and costume properly drawn out on each panel will show that those bits of text refer to the same person.)

It's so hard as a writer/artist to know what's confusing or what the viewer/reader might be picking up on or not picking up on! I'm going to draw it out some more - make sure that the faces are really consistent so that it's absolutely clear which character is which in every panel - and see what people think. If it's still confusing at that point I'll have to think about.... I don't know... adding more panels, for clarity?

We'll see. Thanks so much for the feedback!

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#4
Oh! Nice stuff! If I may add. It would probably help if you added motion lines when suggesting action so things won't look static. I see you have a wrestling panel and a panel where a character tries to make her move where suggesting motion might be of good use!

If you are reading this, I most likely just gave you a crappy crit! What I'm basically trying to say is, don't give up!  
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#5
Update on my McWIP.

Until today I couldn't do any work on this. I had to take a complete break from art because of wrist pain. I'm starting to worry that I won't be able to work in the industry because my wrist just can't handle any significant amount of painting. I've tried stretches... Charlie Bowater recommends training with dumbbells. Maybe I'll visit a physiotherapist? I don't know. Anyway. The wrist has cooled down enough for me to try to finish this in some form (maybe not full colour) for the deadline. After that probably another art break :/

ANYWAY, I promised a McWIP:



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#6
(06-21-2016, 06:28 AM)John Wrote: Oh! Nice stuff! If I may add. It would probably help if you added motion lines when suggesting action so things won't look static. I see you have a wrestling panel and a panel where a character tries to make her move where suggesting motion might be of good use!

Thanks for the input! Yeah, motion lines probably a good idea. I'll see if I can work them in.

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#7
I kept trying to imagine a person in a bath and a person next to the bath and my mind was just like NOPE. So I had to construct it!



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#8
I've been checking out where y'all have got to with your WIPS, and man you guys are awesome. My comic is totally the worst one of the bunch. But since this is my first attempt at this format, I'm sort of proud of it anyway? *shrug*

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#9
Heya.

Don't worry about it. I remember doing the Bloodsports(and I suuuucked) when they were still fresh and it seemed everyone around me was having all these great ideas that they managed to complete so effortlessly.

In the end while winning is nice and who doesn't like put on a small but nice pedestal, I think to whole exercise is what matters most. You went out of your comfort zone, tried something new and finished it despite the troubles you faced on your way.

You can now look back at it and think about what you could have done better or analyse what others did that you thought was better and try find ways in which you can incorporate your new found experience into your next piece.
This is where the learning proces starts, but if you never even did the first steps there would be nothing to look back on. 

I really like the tenderness of the last panel. Hope I'll see you in the finals thread.
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#10
(06-25-2016, 07:42 AM)Zipfelzeus Wrote: Heya.

Don't worry about it. I remember doing the Bloodsports(and I suuuucked) when they were still fresh and it seemed everyone around me was having all these great ideas that they managed to complete so effortlessly.

In the end while winning is nice and who doesn't like put on a small but nice pedestal, I think to whole exercise is what matters most. You went out of your comfort zone, tried something new and finished it despite the troubles you faced on your way.

You can now look back at it and think about what you could have done better or analyse what others did that you thought was better and try find ways in which you can incorporate your new found experience into your next piece.
This is where the learning proces starts, but if you never even did the first steps there would be nothing to look back on. 

I really like the tenderness of the last panel. Hope I'll see you in the finals thread.

Except I haven't finished! (Yet) But yeah. I'm not bothered about winning or anything, just wanted to try something new and that's what's I'm doing :)

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#11
Aaaaaaaaaaah! I like the direction you went with yours - so different <3

So long as ya keep pushing and finish, it's all g! \o/!

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#12
(06-26-2016, 02:01 PM)smrr Wrote: Aaaaaaaaaaah! I like the direction you went with yours - so different <3

So long as ya keep pushing and finish, it's all g! \o/!

Thanks :D Yeah, even if the execution wasn't what I would have liked, I'm glad that I was able to add something a bit different to the crucible by doing a kind of romance genre piece.


Just gonna quickly dump my collected WIPs, STUDIES, and of course my final:


Attached Files Image(s)





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