CC4 CTrow WIP

[CTrow]

haha awesome, makes my skin crawl! those character designs are so great! I think the story is understandable, great job ^^

Just one thing I would critique is the dialogue in the first panel. The first guy at any rate,it feels a bit unnatural. I get that you are trying to get the 'restaurant' and 'cum' and the 'brothel' from the other guy to assist the ambiguity but it feels like the first guy is saying too much, cramming too much of the setup all by himself.

Some options could be something like:
Guy 1: "Ah, here we are! The 'name of restaurant'!"
Guy 2: "Looks like a brothel..."

or

Guy 1: "Here we are! I'm glad you decided to 'cum' with me."
Guy 2: "This is a restaurant?"
Guy 3: "Looks like a brothel..."

Think about how the situation of just walking in somewhere, the waiter or whoever would be already approaching them so they wouldn't have the chance to say more than a sentence or a few words each. You want the setup to come through naturally to the reader, as if they sort of figured it out themselves, with just enough cues from you - makes the reader feel more involved.

Just some thoughts anyway : )

Thanks so much Jyonny! Yeh, I had a bit of trouble with that specific characters dialogue, I was trying to establish the scene, whilst at the same time adding context. But yeh, I think I went a bit overboard. I will play around with it and make it seem more natural and fluent. I also wanted to push the creep factor in the way he was speaking but I don't think I quite nailed it. thanks for the advise though, appreciate it!