Making a graphic novel / manga
#1
I am making a graphic novel / manga. (i know for manga i have to change the order of the pictures.)

Either it will become widely famous and everybody loves it or more likely only I like it and I will put it on my bookshelf and be very happy with myself for having done it.
I want to do one book at least.

Here is my first page
(i dont know what is better - post it here or in the critique section, I think ill do both)

Feel free to tell me what I could improve in the next pages.






EDIT:
By now I made a Youtube-Channel for the project.
I post Studies there and also each new page.

So here is the Channel itself:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXIq7za...g/featured

And here is the playlist of these pages, starting with page 1:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYEg--cU...qJ&index=2
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#2
One part of a hanging often forgotten about is that the crowd is there for entertainment purposes. Jeering could be added, laughter,...

Depending on the tone of the story, these could be an alternative caption:
"In the name of the people // I pronounce you... // DEAD!!"

In short, more pages/storytelling is needed if we are to advise.
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#3
Welcome to CD. Good start to your sketchbook. It's great to see you are pursuing a passion and making a graphic novel. I have just jotted down a few thoughts below to give you something to think about.

In terms of the first panel, the size relation to everything feels off. Like there's a weird sense of scale to everything. We are supposed to be far away from the stage, however the figures feel quite large for how far away we are supposed to be. That's or the crowd's heads are too small.

There is also this juxtaposition between the first and second panel with the executioner. The first panel they look to be kitted out, it's quite a large 'padded' silhouette. However in the second panel, you have these thin, almost feminine, arms.

I think a main thing to work on is consistency (which is a million times easier said than done lol).

Anyway, it's a great start to your graphic novel. Keep it up! :)

Sketchbook // Insta 

And though the course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea
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#4
(06-18-2020, 02:30 PM)chubby_cat Wrote: In terms of the first panel, the size relation to everything feels off. Like there's a weird sense of scale to everything. We are supposed to be far away from the stage, however the figures feel quite large for how far away we are supposed to be. That's or the crowd's heads are too small.

There is also this juxtaposition between the first and second panel with the executioner. The first panel they look to be kitted out, it's quite a large 'padded' silhouette. However in the second panel, you have these thin, almost feminine, arms.

I think a main thing to work on is consistency (which is a million times easier said than done lol).

1. you mean the figures on the stage have to be smaller? could be, i can try it.

2. you are right, i should make his arms bigger.

3. yes, "consistency" would be important, I am at page 5 and I can already tell this will be really hard. when in the future you see that the drawing style is inconsistent and when you know how to change that, tell me. I already expect, that this will be an issue.


@Fickleflame:
regarding the story theres not much to see, yet, thats true. I already have a rough plan, more will be seen on the following pages. Just scream when you see major flaws that have to be corrected.
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#5
Page 2

(might contain a "table of contents" later)


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#6
There's a flaw with the floor ^^
My initial interpretation of the water was that it was ground. Maybe you can do something to make it more sea-like? If this is going to be coloured you need not bother.
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#7
(06-19-2020, 05:48 AM)Fickleflame Wrote: There's a flaw with the floor ^^
My initial interpretation of the water was that it was ground. Maybe you can do something to make it more sea-like? If this is going to be coloured you need not bother.

Do you think this coloring is better?
I am unsure about sea white and ground grey or ground grey and sea white.
Also, did you mean with the first sentence that the horizon line is wrong? (I made a correct perspective grid, so the perspective can not really be off, but maybe the mountains are wrong if I set them on top of the horizon line?)

Is the part i marked in red wrong somehow??


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#8
There's nothing wrong with the perspective I think. The mountains (or at least part of them) would be on top of the horizon line as long as they're above the level of the viewer's eyeballs.

I think making the water darker than the city street was the right choice. I suggest making the water in the distance darker as well, and/or add reflections of the mountains to make it obvious that it's water. The only issue is that the distant water is almost the same gray as the city street, and there are no details to tell us that it's water, so it reads as being part of the city. Alternatively, add details to the city street so that it's obviously not part of the distant water. But just making the water consistently darker would be an acceptable solution.
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#9
(06-19-2020, 10:52 AM)Pubic Enemy Wrote: I suggest making the water in the distance darker as well, and/or add reflections of the mountains to make it obvious that it's water. The only issue is that the distant water is almost the same gray as the city street, and there are no details to tell us that it's water, so it reads as being part of the city. Alternatively, add details to the city street so that it's obviously not part of the distant water. But just making the water consistently darker would be an acceptable solution.

In the background there is no water. Its more like grasslands or something. So maybe I should indicate that by putting some trees here and there, okay!


Here is Page 3:


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#10
(06-20-2020, 11:11 PM)graphicnovelist Wrote: In the background there is no water. Its more like grasslands or something. So maybe I should indicate that by putting some trees here and there, okay!
The straight line looks like the horizon on the sea. Make it more natural, slightly hilly maybe?
I like the humorous tone of page 3 - I hadn't guessed it from the previous pages. If this is the tone of the whole story, you may want to consider making it clear from page 1?

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#11
(06-16-2020, 05:58 AM)graphicnovelist Wrote: Hay I would like to suggest you to more imaginations  into your novel. like the reader gets the impression of getting attracted by the title and the theme you showed below.

I also would like you to make novel on the health immune system as now a days the pandemic situation is going on  so people would like to read it with interest. 

I make your work more easy take idea from Top Steroids Blogs.

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#12
(06-22-2020, 10:54 AM)Leo Ki Wrote:
(06-20-2020, 11:11 PM)graphicnovelist Wrote: In the background there is no water. Its more like grasslands or something. So maybe I should indicate that by putting some trees here and there, okay!
The straight line looks like the horizon on the sea. Make it more natural, slightly hilly maybe?
I like the humorous tone of page 3 - I hadn't guessed it from the previous pages. If this is the tone of the whole story, you may want to consider making it clear from page 1?

Its probably not the tone of the whole story. I am imagining the story as an anime, so thats why I made the "fighting scene" look that way. Most likely there are 100 other ways to do the same thing slightly better.

(06-22-2020, 07:55 PM)LaurieWesson Wrote: [quote pid='127372' dateline='1592251090']
steroids blog

[/quote]

I would guess that this user is a bot.



_________________________________________

Here is Page 4:




_________________________________________

Also, I made a Youtube Channel for the project, possibly not the most fitting format to present pictures, but YT is the only one I myself use to look at stuff. I am not very social media.

I post Studies there and also each new page for this graphic novel.

So here is the Channel itself:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXIq7za...g/featured

And here is the playlist of these pages, starting with page 1:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYEg--cU...qJ&index=2

.
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#13
Page 5:



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#14
Do you think, that the drawings are "good enough" for a reader to not lose interest while reading the story?

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