Hey there everybody,
I think it's been around a year since I've posted here for the last time,
but I thought it'd be cool to hop back in here and see what's up.
It's awesome there's still a place like this on the internet, and I think it should be cherished,
which is also one of my main motivations for wanting to spend more time in art communities.
So the main reason for disappearing for a year is easy to point out: Last year was just nuts, it was all just one big up and down and up and down.
I'll keep the whole catching up (sort of) short. Idk, maybe there's something helpful in this piece of life-rambling.
So after reviving my relationship with drawing back in late 2020 after stopping for 10 years (since the idiotic 17-year old me felt like there were better and "more important" things to do than drawing),
2021 started off really okay.
I somehow managed to work on my full time job as a creative producer in a film-production company in Munich,
while working on my self as a wannabe artist and trying to study, learn and improve in the various timewindows I had throughout the day and night,
practising, reading, listening, making tons of personal portfolio pieces just to take them off a couple of months later and make new ones because they started to suck really bad.
A lot of getting frustrated with one thing, like digital, sinking my teeth into a new thing, like traditional, and returning to the old thing, and loving it again.
It became a cycle: Oh I love this thing - fuck, my workflow sucks ass - Oh what about trying out this new thing - Oh I love this new thing.
I don't know, it seems as if it all comes down to trial and error, again and again.
I really had to accept the fact that that's just how it will be, again and again. And that it doesn't have to be a negative thing either, but rather something really important and fun, even though it feels frustrating as hell.
There were some personal early endorphine kicks like making 3rd and then 1st place on two Prokochallenges, and these little things gave me a lot of motivation to continue the everyday study/learning/personal painting,
since the negative sideeffects of obsessively grinding at something started to show as well:
My girlfriend and I had to figure out a way of living together once I started spending too much time on something I justified as "a dream that will pay off one day".
I felt too old to chase a new dream at 27/28 years, especially after spending 10 years in another industry and climbing a straight forward "career ladder",
resulting in an unhealthy amount of pressure and self doubt.
And the obvious one, I was really taking a gamble with my overall mental and physical health, hoping that everything will go well while working on too many things at once.
The time bomb finally went off during late summer, and I just had to take a break from working, with a long "existential" phase attached, and shortly after decided to quit my full-time job.
I took the leap and went 100 % freelance in October/November to have the possibility to dedicate my daily energy to art-stuff, while still taking on a few smaller freelance film gigs as a small safety net.
Classic freelance ups and downs included, it has still been working out since then, so I'm happy overall. I'm spending a lot of time on personal projects, prepping something I hope I can talk about more soon,
started working on clientwork like book covers, character art and so on, having a more balanced day (also including private life) etc.
Sure, I'm still grinding at a thing now. But at least it's just grinding at art and not two things simultaneously.
So yeah, I'll just share some recent stuff below to blow some dust off of this sketchbook and more importantly point out, that I'm glad to be back!
Cheers
Max
