Lale's Traditional and Digital sketches!

[LaleAnn]

Holaa! So, after a few personal issues (still dealing with them but doing much better) I'm BACK and paintinnnn! :D

Did this portrait study after one of the cool photos found on this gallery: http://oh-hi.info/2016_1-4/?from=B0126368-y720px.jpg

Hope you are all doing good.

[JyonnyNovice]

welcome back Lale : ) sorry to hear that you've had issues. Do you know about the crimson crucible challenge? It's right up your alley I think ^^

[Eristhe]

Hey welcome back! Hope personal issues clear up for you :) The new study's lookin good! Maybe focus on some cleaner brushstrokes for the hair?

[Artloader]

Wow you blow me away with your colour and values - beautiful work LaleAnn! Hope your issues are blown away too :).

[LaleAnn]

Thanks guys! ^^ I'm still on my way to better and dealing with freakin' anxiety issues (hadn't happened in yeeaars).. But I know it's just a period of change and adjustment.. I'll get ther eventually. :)

@Jyonny: I don't know that one! There are so many everywhere.. what is it? e_e

[JyonnyNovice]

It's in a new sub section of the forum right at the top, recreating the old blood sports style challenges. This one is a game of thrones redesign. http://crimsondaggers.com/forum/forum-72.html

EDIT I saw a Hypno therapist recently about stress / anxiety related stuff. Really helped me so much, they teach you where that stuff comes from and why it happens on a science level and give you a way to get past it and really grow too. Give it a try if you can!

[LaleAnn]

Thanks Jonny! I was actually wondering if i should give it a try.. I think I will (hoping I find a good therapist).^^

[LaleAnn]

So, I didn't quite die, I'm still around! Aaand as I've been feeling good today (*touches wood*).. here's a portrait! :D Finallyyyy yeay! ^^ Had lots of fun doing this study.. And yes, a dude, for once!

[Toxicpanda]

Hiii cutie
Love your last two portraits- you've started to capture more of the shapes and edges than details - which is really good! Also you're not afraid of colors and those juicy good shadows that are not too strong nor light. Great job- I call that confidence in brushes. Keep up with awesome work^^

[LaleAnn]

Thank you so much Toxicpanda! ^^ I'll try to make more soon.. :)

[Heliux]

coooome baaack - we miss yoooou! XD

[JyonnyNovice]

+1 !!!!!!

[LaleAnn]

I'm back guzzzs! xD Riley, Jon <3 I miss you too! Anyone hanging out anytime soon? :)

[Markus Creation]

Nice crossbows! And I like very much the knights and dragon on the first page of your sketchbook! The dragon attack is awesome.
What did you learn through studying metal armors of knights, can you remember some epiphanys? I want to do metal studies and armor in the near future, so maybe you have some insights from back then?

[LaleAnn]

Nice crossbows! And I like very much the knights and dragon on the first page of your sketchbook! The dragon attack is awesome.
What did you learn through studying metal armors of knights, can you remember some epiphanys? I want to do metal studies and armor in the near future, so maybe you have some insights from back then?

Hey Markus, thanks! Erm well those are all pretty damn old now.. xD I didn't have any "epiphany" but I guess one thing you learn by doing these is how an armor works and that it can be a very reflective material (so lots of blues when your subject is outside on a clear day).. You should definitely study armor, it's challenging and fun!

So! Today I thought I'd post a few little things I've been doing recently.. nothing fancy but.. slowly coming back to life. :) A few quickies and a WIP (the lizard lady).

OK.

To be honest, I've been dealing with a bad depression since January. I said it. It's slowly getting more stable and I can live my life more normally again now. :) It's been a very tough fight, one I don't wish to anyone, but it was time for me to dig out some old demons of mine and get to know myself fully. That's why I haven't been able to do much art this year. The state I was in prevented me from even doing the very one thing I love.. It took all my energy, all my natural exhilaration away and locked it in a safe. I tried everything, didn't understand what was happening the first months.. and then when I realized I was sick, it first felt like a terrible failure. I also broke up and left a relationship I had given all my energy to and felt like it was another failure again. But eventually I understood there was no failure in any of those. I've started letting myself "be a human", let my scars show more and I'm now learning to let go of very strict behavioral "rules" I've been trying to live by all my youth. It's been like the ground I thought was underneath my feet fell apart and I had to survive floating in darkness and emptiness, my old "gods" shattered by myself. 

Now I can feel my exhilaration, ma joie de vivre, as we say in french, coming back and I can be much more like myself again and I draw and start to paint again. But the war isn't over yet. I know I still have a long way to go but I'm holding on and keeping my head up. The best I can do while others thrive in happiness and improve like crazy at art is to make the best out of my worst. Learn all I can about me, who I am, what I want and need, where I want to go. Face my demons, my schemes, my illness, see myself entirely and be there for me, whatever happens.

I hope this rant didn't bore you, but I feel like people rarely talk about their depression while they're still fighting it. It's only success stories. Because they're ashamed and because most people who read it will get "scared" and walk away and don't want to know about these things. 

Anyway. All I want to say to anyone who's in a dark place now, who's got that fucked up blizzard in their life, that "fog" in their heads, covering their eyes... YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. You're not the only one and there is no such thing as being "normal". Don't compare yourself to others and just be you. Learn to be kind to yourself and treat others well. You are never alone. Don't ever quit. Don't give up. If you hear me, I'm holding your hand tightly in my mind. <3 Hold on.

[DK]

This recent post made me feel like I was reading poetry, lol. I hope your hard times did make you a stronger person, even if for me, personally, these experiences are more of a numbing agent to shield from certain realities and continue with life. I know I've went through some horrid times myself that I never wanna live through again, for sure.

Good work here. This komodo/half human concept is interesting and unique, would definitely like to see you develop it further!

[AngeliquevdMee]

I just wanna say you improved immensly since page 1, and its a real joy to look at the progress so far. The post above is really inspirational for me because i have been fighting depression too, even if that's almost over, now i have to live with extreme anxiety and dont know how to snap out of it. It also makes me very tired at times so I know how you feel. Sometimes i have days where i use it as a strength to draw :) It's really comforting to see people here having to deal with the same issues, so thank you for sharing your story <3

[John]

You are never alone.

Absolutely. But whenever you feel that you are, we're at the shout box or the Dagger's Discord https://discord.gg/azX8fwT. Lots of good people there with hearts of gold.

I understand that life can sometimes feel overbearing.. It sucks dealing with it. It sucks even more when dealing with it alone. I don't want this to be like an advice thing where I sound off like a know-it-all.. So..

Aha! Here's a knee slapper that might get you out of that funk!

“Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.”

Ahh... The Watchmen. Is there anything that book can't fix?

[LaleAnn]

Thank you so much for your replies! <3 John, that is a very sad "knee slapper" xD hahaha, thank you for the Discord link, I'll try it out.

@Angelique, I've had (and still do a little) to deal with very bad anxiety too and the best things which helped me through the year (even before now) was meditation and therapy. Just try not to create any resistance to it and "let go". Breathe and try to stay rational. "This too shall pass", it won't kill you and it will pass, every time. But learning to breathe and having someone to talk to is definitely the best things which helped me work through it.

Cheers guys!

[LaleAnn]

Another WIP.. No idea what to do with that background and her "dress" color.. xP Any suggestions?