do you consider yourself an Introvert?

[KurtJeremy]

as in Introvert x2 
like you just dont get stimulated enough as much as you would be when youre with other people. 
in contrast to that , being alone you get to be energize , creatively and emotionally. and you just feel better in general.

im asking this because i just noticed this to myself. i could just not concentrate when theres people running about when im doing my work in the morning. as much as i could when i work at nighttime. at night where everyone is asleep, i get so pumped up that i get to be productive 200x more than in the morning. 

second question, if youre an introvert , do you find it difficult to socialize ? or do you have any sort of strategies on striking a conversation with other people, especially the ones who has different interests? 

would love to read your responses guys!

[Punk-A-Cat]

I'm an introvert, but I'm not shy. I /like/ people, in the general sense, but they wear me out. I can be the absolute centre of attention if I need to be, I can do public speaking without too much trouble, and I can be out going and sociable, but I dread it before hand (to the point I have panic/ anxiety attacks sometimes), and feel like I've been run over by a bus afterwards.

My favourite kind of human contact is via the internet, as I can just walk away from it. I hate people visiting, I hate phone calls, and I would be quite happy by myself for months on end. I don't need other people. I work better with nobody around.

[Farvus]

I'm introverted person and I did have problem socializing but I slowly got better at it with age and nowdays my shyness/social anxiety is barely there. I think organized vacation trips helped a little bit when I was younger and then later I got more open when studying architecture.

As for staying alone. Introversion is what made my the artist I am today. I spent a lot of time alone so my life was mixture of drawing, reading books, playing computer games and it all was good foundation for more serious learning art. Just like Punk-A-Cat I don't like unexpected phone calls or talking through the phone. I don't like talking with several people at once in big group. I don't like loud parties (how can you socialize in a night club when you barely hear your own voice?). If I am at the loud overcrowded party then I feel the urge to leave after maybe 2-3 hours.

At work unfortunately I have to sit with many people around and often some are walking behind my back but I almost got used to it. Headphones help a lot. 

second question, if youre an introvert , do you find it difficult to socialize ? or do you have any sort of strategies on striking a conversation with other people, especially the ones who has different interests?

I think the main thing that helped my strike the conversation with people who have different interests was expanding my interests. I was the type a teenager that was very narrow focused. I could only talk about computer games and nothing outside of that bubble. Unfortunately the propability that newly met person is a geek in my surrounding was always like 5% or maybe even less. But then as life went on I changed or was forced to change. You just need to try a little bit of everything. Read newspapers or some articles, try sports, hobbles, travel, live on your own, get to know your city better. In general be a more well rounded person.


If I don't know a person completely but we have something in common (like working in the same company) then I start a conversation related to our common background.
And then if someone is into subject or interest I have no idea about then I just ask questions and let him/her talk. If you show genuine interest in something about the other person then they will love to talk about it and sometime even appreciate that you asked.

[MehdiVdC]

It really depends, if I have to work on something new or complex (especially technique, or digging for a technique to make sense) that demands my full attention then it's better to have no one around, but if the person/people around me are working on a similar task (one that demands focus: drawing,reading,...) then I actually don't mind.

Working in the evening or at night is ideal and highly motivating because it seems take no effort to get inspired and/or focused. As much as I like it, I can only do so on rare occasions because practical reasons (work, kids, etc.) hinder it. I found it rather stressful and enervating while trying to find an alternative 'ideal', and I found it by letting go of it. 
It pushes me to try and make a challenge to work in different situations/locations, something each introvert/extrovert/in-between should at least try out a few times-see it as practice. Stressful environments can give you results you otherwise wouldn't have come up with,.... Provided if you start with the right mindset. And you'll get to know people/have conversations/etc. during the process while having to do little effort except for doing what you like. This includes people with different interests.
Easier said than done of course, but still much worth the try. 
I still can't study techniques in the railway station :-)
For example, a lot of musicians have to get past this in order to be successful, I guess it's more or less the same for any kind of artist in the long run. So I don't think it actually matters if you're an intro or extra or stuck in the middle. 
We've got to rid ourselves of those seemingly unchangeable things that we believe/like to attribute to be part of who we are. (I can hear the swell of violins on this one).
Or simply, get out of your mind :-)
But hey, I'm just a shrimp at art so don't mind me if you think "Listen to this idiot...!"
What do I know?

[Amit Dutta]

1. I am very high up on the introvert scale. However this does not mean I am unable to socialise or be extroverted in certain situations or be completely at ease around people.

The typical notion of introversion is to say introvert = shy/awkward/doesn't like people/is negative/has depressive tendencies/doesn't like to party. etc There may be tendencies towards these for sure, but it is far from a general rule.

Introversion/Extroversion is a scale, a continuum that you are on, rather than a label. You can also move up and down the scale over time. Nothing is that fixed.

2. I find that personally it is very tiresome dealing with the incredible amount of superficial bullshit that you typically have to deal with when it comes to meeting new people face to face and "connecting." regardless of if you have common interests , or are at a loud party or not.

I would much rather go straight in and find something interesting and honest to connect on, rather than the usual bullshit small talk that can just go on and on for hours. Oh you play video games too?...awesome...do I want to discuss every detail of those games for the next 3 hours of my brief existence in this world; Thanks but no.

Small talk is one way of leading into other things, but the majority of times I find all it leads to is more small talk, even if you have common interests. Hey if that's what you like, then by all means indulge in it, I see so many people doing it. I personally would rather do more fulfilling things to with my time.

In terms of "strategies for striking up conversations", keeping in mind the above, I find that people are almost always more interested in talking about themselves and their opinions than anything else. We are a self obsessed bunch of apes. If you want to keep somebody's attention, ask them questions about and show interest in them. That will probably stroke their ego enough for them to remain engaged in the conversation and hopefully lead to a more genuine type of interaction. Maybe they will even start to reciprocate and exhibit genuine interest towards you...but don't count on it.

On the rare occasion you will meet people you instantly and honestly connect with, and those are the ones I personally give more attention to over the superficial interactions. There is something there that is transcending all the social norm bullcrap we all enact. One real honest connection is worth a hundred thousand inane superficial ones.

Without forcing it too much, getting out of your comfort zone and trying new things is a good way to put yourself in situations where the above might happen more. If you stay hidden away all the time, of course it will happen much less frequently. I tend to trust my instincts when it comes to deciding when to 'cut and run', but I will rarely spend more than an hour in a place where I can't find any genuine interaction on a social level.

Oh also, the internet is a poor substitute for face to face interaction. It really is. Most of our interactions are superficial and brief and anonymous to a certain degree, so as a result all manners of unseemly behavoiurs get amped up without ever getting called out. The reach and potential of the internet is a beautiful thing to be able to connect with people you never could in person at first, but it is a very poor substitute for real life.

[KurtJeremy]

cool stuff guys, seems that in some way were all alike, being in a way an "introvert".
i agree though that theres no such thing as a pure introvert/extrovert is just that theres more of the other.

@Punk same here, i dont hate socializing per se, is just that when im talking to someone i always demand something more in a conversation, i dont like small talks. i want to talk about things im interested to, like games, philosophy, history not pop stars , reality tv shows or anything that i find irrelevant to human progress.

@Farvus interesting story, i was the same before high school, then after high school i realized that im too focused. so now im ended up losing my mind because of the internet theres so much stuff out there.

@Amit do you have a number of people where you can personally connect to? do you have any advice for an introverted socially awkward guy like me on finding people like this?

[Adam Lina]

When you're out in social situations do you notice yourself thinking about what to say or what others might think? You might be playing out entire scenarios in your head of possible outcomes which leads you to never actually taking any actions. Afterwards you feel exhausted when you barely interacted with anyone. Thinking does actually burn calories so its not far fetched to say you exhausted yourself thinking about socializing not the actual act of socializing. The difference between an extrovert and an introvert is that an extrovert naturally turns off their inner dialogue when around others. Typically the extrovert feels uncomfortable alone because then their thoughts take over and all their anxieties, fears and regrets emerge. They then wear themselves out thinking in circles and need to "recharge" by being around others again.

Introverts have the same negative thoughts when alone but have developed coping mechanisms like escaping into a book or a video game. When they enter a social situation theres nothing to occupy the mind so they're defenseless against thoughts taking them over. So the real problem is not that you are somewhere on a scale between an introvert or an extrovert and socializing either drains or recharges you. The problem is the mind is completely running the show and people have to distract it in order to not stress themselves out and drain their energy. Pay attention to thoughts as they arise but dont identify with them. Identify with the awareness of thought.

Also you guys mentioned that people dont talk about the things you want them to talk about. You've built up your identity with the things you know and when someone doesnt indulge your mind the same way you do while you're alone your sense of self is threatened. You then retract from the interaction either mentally or physically as a defense mechanism to protect the false sense of identity, AKA the ego.

Its also easy to get mad at others for behaving superficially or materialistically. Realize that they are controlled by the same conditioned thinking that all people experience. Its not who they are. Underneath all the greed, violence, hatred and general douchebaggary is a pure consciousness that radiates love. Not the kind of love that is fleeting either. Consciousness needs nothing to feel complete. The ego is constantly in search of lasting fulfillment that it will never attain. It tries to identify with external things like how much money, knowledge, good looks or power one has. Those things never last and when they fall apart the identity is crushed leaving the person depressed.

So my advice is to shift your attention to the people around you and away from thinking. When your awareness is fully in the present moment you will be full of energy to socialize.

[ZombieChinchilla]

I would definitely consider myself an introvert. I don't think I have social anxiety, though. Regular anxiety, sure, but not social. I just have a limit for how long I feel comfortable talking to someone before I feel the need to escape to "recharge." But I don't have trouble talking to people necessarily, though if I don't know them very well I might struggle more with coming up with small talk. And the closer I get to someone, the longer I feel like I can hold a conversation.

I've always been introverted, and I remember being young and playing with a neighborhood friend during the summer. After a while I was getting tired so I went back home, but I could see her biking towards my house and quickly asked my mom if she could come up with an excuse for me. She told my friend I couldn't play because I had chores to do. I was so thankful, and sometimes wish my mom could still come up with excuses like that for me now. I also never liked hanging out with people right after school. After 8 hours of interacting people all I wanted to do was lie on the couch and relax. Realized later that that was me being introverted.

But I do feel the need to interact with people if I spend too long alone. I've had that problem at college on the weekends. There are days where both my roommates go home for the weekend and all my other friends are too busy or I'm not close enough with them to ask if we can hang out. By the end of the day, I'm going insane wanting to talk to someone and hang out. I have a lot more friends in college than I ever did in high school, and I'm a lot closer to more people where I feel like we have a pretty close connection.

When it comes to the art scene, though I admit I struggle. I'm more comfortable talking to people online but when it comes to talking to people in real life it can be nerve-racking. I have trouble talking to strangers, so going up to an artist and just striking up a conversation with them can be hard, but it's something I'm trying to work on.

[Amit Dutta]

@ Kurt: Yeah I definitely do have people I love and connect with on a deeper mutual level. Maybe a handful, up to 10 in total. Because I have traveled quite a lot most of them are all over the globe so I don't see many as often as I would like.

That's not to say there aren't hundreds or thousands of potentials out there, but I have generally not been one to go seeking it, so I stumble onto them whenever I get out or am forced out of my cave. I met them through university, work, workshops, it's random.

One thing is common though and that is that you definitely have to get out of solitude occasionally if you want to meet people. So that is the first thing to start doing if you are not.

To use what Adam was getting at, this whole "social awkwardness" thing, probably isn't an innate inability to be social, unless you are autistic or something along those lines. It probably means you lack confidence and might be a bit too worried about being yourself in front of people.

Maybe you also don't really understand the typical social rituals involved. They aren't always intuitive!
Social norms and group behaviour are incredibly powerful, and have developed to keep us all in line and predictable in general society, but often they are arbitrary and counter-intuitive, sometimes just downright dumb. This can lead to more mental anxiety than is necessary. Have you ever tried to sit at a crowded bar, where everyone is being social and in groups, but you are the only one there on your own? Maybe you are waiting for friends. The pressure to look like you are "DOING SOMETHING" and look like you are busy is incredibly strong. You don't want to look like some weird loner dickhead. And yet if you were at home just sitting on your own none of that anxiety would be there at all. It's all in our mind, due to what the norms of the situation are dictating to us. We have been taught to be very self-conscious. Think of why the meme of everyone staring into their phones is so prevalent these days. We are distracting ourselves from that anxiety of being self-conscious

I am a firm believer that no matter what the situation you have to be totally aware of yourself and your own feelings and be comfortable in yourself and your own being first! Much anxiety also comes from our perceived status, and trying to please others. I think as well as getting out there more, you should practice being calmer within yourself.

When you do find yourself in a socially pressured situation, just remember to focus on your breath and breathe deeply. As Adam said, focus on the present moment, look around you and just observe for a moment what is going on without judging anything about it. It really can have a powerful calming effect.
You don't have to be the "weirdo" meditating and staring into space in the corner either. You can do it for microseconds at a time. It is like a re-centering of your mind. It does take "practice" for sure.

Being social is also a learned process, it isn't innate, so being able to deal with it also requires practice. If you don't practice, you won't "improve". In general don't try and please anybody or try and seek out specific things that you wished the conversation would go to. Be as open and flexible as you can be, you never know where things will go until they do. With "practice" you can decide if you want to keep going with any particular interaction, but most importantly just be your authentic self. This is the best thing and most honest thing to learn to do.
You have to learn to be ok with being yourself.

[Bookend]

I'm an ambivert, haha.

[RottenPocket]

I find there's a very confused perception on what being introverted and being antisocial means.

Introversion as its defined suggests an independence from what we would think 'normal' social interaction. Feeling drained or taxed by participating in such is expected in a physical and temperamental sense, but quite often I see people refer to it as though anxiety and mental imbalances are a prerequisite. The antisocial are very separatist, i.e. You're either a people person or you're not, and there's no out. Not to be confused with minor antisocial behaviour, i.e. an aversion to or dislike of social interaction. Basically there are quirks of personality that we as humans try to put a label on in order to have a place.

How this is relevant - Introversion involves your personality, which influences the manner in which you do things, but doesn't dictate it. I don't believe being an 'introvert' is any indicator for being reclusive or antisocial. Selective of what gains our attention and effort, yes, but not hinder or be any kind of disadvantage, no.

Taking time out to focus on an idea just makes sense.

Waiting until people are out and there is no distraction to do work is being organized.

[KurtJeremy]

Yes im quite aware that theres a profound differences between the two as you so mentioned.

personally i do think i have some kind of a social anxiety disorder. but i do fairly well when i get to talk to a person that i truly have known.

but i also think at the same time an introvert. so its easy to get confused between the two.

you got a point with your last statement. now that i thought about it.
i guess my real question should be about how do you bode well on socializing with others because us being artists and all we spent most of our time alone. some lucky ones have artist friends/family, but for me i dont.
so yeah i just have this certain feeling of isolation, and i dont know how to get out of it at the moment.

[RottenPocket]

For myself?

I've a smaller circle than anyone else, and many I don't see for months at a time. They're all people I respect and appreciate and find worth my time and energy. I don't put on airs or expect anything from them, so they know what I'm like. I'm their 'beautiful skeptic' as one has said :D.
Some friends are also artists, or art enthusiasts. Not in the same vein, mostly music and photography, so I don't have that same connection but there's an understanding. I can talk about it and exchange in ideas. If I've a good idea I let some know. If I'm struggling with something I talk about it. As I said, being introverted is not wrong or hard. It just means our circles are smaller and we take care who we truly connect with. Sometimes people act as siphons that just drain you emotionally and physically, and other conduits, to keep the energy going. I'd rather have a select few friends I'd do anything for than a mediocre acquaintance with many.

The trick - is finding people that aren't siphons. It does take some building and mostly time is a factor. But if you find anyone really causing you to lose interest in talking and building yourself than they're not that type of friend. That's not a bad thing, they might be the best friend as far as pizza and road trips are concerned.

I'm just saying it's different for everyone - but a good portion of everyone don't try to find their circle and instead infiltrate or wear a mask. I don't.

[Amit Dutta]

@Kurt, i think you really have to take that step yourself and get out and do things that may bring you into contact with other people. It could be through a differing hobby or interest that you can try, something that you can't just do on a computer or alone at home, because that is the comfort zone. You don't have to make it about meeting people specifically, but it will hapoen as a result of interaction. Sports can be another avenue. I think volunteering at a charity, or organization that actually goes and helps people directly, or cleans up the environment or whatever is a fantastic way of reaching out. Not enough people do it I guess.

[meat]

I'm pretty introverted, and a little messed up. Also grew up in a shut-in family that did not host friends or any outsiders in our home, nor had much outside contact much with other kids. Came down with depression and basically became a ghost for years.

Wanted to change that, and took some front line customer service jobs. It was like flaying myself alive everyday while a knife was held between my legs, but it would work for a few years in terms of getting me comfortable interacting with people, then something like unemployment will shatter that newly built self-confidence to dust. Then I had to do it again, and now it's sort of rebuilt, again.

It doesn't matter what you know or don't know, it only matters what you actually do about it and how much. And it really really sucks and hurts while you're undergoing changes.

The only way to keep going is to keep your eyes on the prize. My prize was, "I don't want to mess up when I get a chance to talk to industry pros while attending Spectrum Live in May, like I messed up that other conference last year.", among another. You're going to need an explicit prize you actually want, like registering for a convention on purpose, so you push yourself over the point of no return in a way.