05-31-2018, 07:00 AM
Hey guys my names Ryan. I have been studying drawing a little off in on since I was about 15.
From like 14 to 19 I was serious about wanting to do something professional with it but lacked the discipline and focus to actually do enough work. Between video games, pot and alchohol, some periods of phycadellic usage, and a stint of an opioid addiciton and then being in poverty and constantly worried about my future didn't help either. But I actually would do alot of work, It just felt like I was spinning my wheels though and not able to grow. I was on CA back then and I would get so discouraged when I would work my ass off trying to get better. And then kids way younger than me would advance within weeks way past me. There was definatley periods where that alone would stall me and I would go into a alcohol induced video game frenzy.
But my issue right now is I really want to get back into this when I see real quality stuff. And I have all these books still that I've held onto because I've never let it go completley. I had started to get serious about it 2 years ago and then I had to start working full time and it destroyed my drive completley.
Right now I quit my job and am trying to turn my yard into a produce farm. And I'm going to cultivate edible mushrooms inside.
So I have the summer before I have to get a real job I could spend my day working on art. Because I can only work in the yard in early morning or late evening as its hot as fuck here in missouri. And its organic and so I have to do that much more work with weeds. But I'm learning alot and think that its more realistic to make it work next year. But luckily with the shrooms I can make money through the fall and winter with those. I'll just sell under the table until I get certified legally.
My real dellima with art is I don't want to spin my wheels and I don't want it to be boring. But its like I'm very jaded towards subject matter that I come up with. All my ideas are mediocre and boring and not thoughtful. I know I need to just draw from refference a bunch, But I cant get excited about any pictures to draw from. I love the process of making pictures but I hate the results not just in terms of technical ability but in terms the idea itself. But I won't ever grow if I expect to make something original. Its a weird situation I know. Money is not the desire. THe desire is to have the experience of creating cool stuff. Any thoughts?
From like 14 to 19 I was serious about wanting to do something professional with it but lacked the discipline and focus to actually do enough work. Between video games, pot and alchohol, some periods of phycadellic usage, and a stint of an opioid addiciton and then being in poverty and constantly worried about my future didn't help either. But I actually would do alot of work, It just felt like I was spinning my wheels though and not able to grow. I was on CA back then and I would get so discouraged when I would work my ass off trying to get better. And then kids way younger than me would advance within weeks way past me. There was definatley periods where that alone would stall me and I would go into a alcohol induced video game frenzy.
But my issue right now is I really want to get back into this when I see real quality stuff. And I have all these books still that I've held onto because I've never let it go completley. I had started to get serious about it 2 years ago and then I had to start working full time and it destroyed my drive completley.
Right now I quit my job and am trying to turn my yard into a produce farm. And I'm going to cultivate edible mushrooms inside.
So I have the summer before I have to get a real job I could spend my day working on art. Because I can only work in the yard in early morning or late evening as its hot as fuck here in missouri. And its organic and so I have to do that much more work with weeds. But I'm learning alot and think that its more realistic to make it work next year. But luckily with the shrooms I can make money through the fall and winter with those. I'll just sell under the table until I get certified legally.
My real dellima with art is I don't want to spin my wheels and I don't want it to be boring. But its like I'm very jaded towards subject matter that I come up with. All my ideas are mediocre and boring and not thoughtful. I know I need to just draw from refference a bunch, But I cant get excited about any pictures to draw from. I love the process of making pictures but I hate the results not just in terms of technical ability but in terms the idea itself. But I won't ever grow if I expect to make something original. Its a weird situation I know. Money is not the desire. THe desire is to have the experience of creating cool stuff. Any thoughts?
